看來您我都是懂得總結經驗的人。
We don't want to make the same mistake,repeatedly!
經一事,長一智。
I am not afraid to make mistake, but at least make the new mistake in the new unknown area. 所謂:"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown
所以同我講感覺其實對我一D都唔起作用。但我學會尊重人地講人地自己的感覺如何。例如,當我前夫同我講佢感覺時,我唔會嘗試說服佢移除他的負面感覺。經歷話我知,只會徒勞無功,而且增加得罪人多稱呼人少的負面果效。我記得我前度未婚夫曾經好平靜咁教我:「唔需要再描,只會越描越黑。」現在想到,其實佢教我唔好「反駁」。自己啃得落,啃左落肚子裏自己疏導左就算。橫豎我都唔在意人地點唸我。例如 人地話我真煩,真蠢,自以為自己是誰。我唔會因為人地咁話就會評估自己係咪煩或蠢,亦唔會認為恥。我只會認為那人自己畀我煩到佢,畀我搞到佢情緒起伏不平,唔關我事。There is nothing I can do about it . I can sleep with peace.
幸會我先生能善解我意。當我講完,佢唔明我講的點就會好平靜溫和一D都唔燜憎咁問我:「Why are you telling me this?」
你可以試下用呢招吖。
我現在學會用 agile methodology 來同人溝通相處,共事。
有D乜野就指出 impediment 是什麼。
然後提供不同方案移除 impediment。
事後一齊做回顧,對事不對人。討論 what went wrong? what went well? moving forward, what could be done differently?
我先生好願意如此 collaborate with me. We are very compatible couple.
Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown
Thx for your sharing!
你提到吾會比別人的情緒影響自己........呢様我c6都似係,好多時我吾開心,有嘢煩,就算我喊,對佢吾會有D咩影響。佢會照佢平常咁講嘢,冇關心;其實即係冇同理心。
所以日子久了,覚得佢奇怪之外,其實令我好心淡。
回想返以前我入院生B,我做手術,BB瞓箱.....佢都冇明顯嘅興奮,擔心,緊張嘅表現。
同c6一齊咁耐,從未見過佢喊!
===》「我性格咁0岩係需要情緒支援」
我前夫係藝術家,天生就係有藝術家需要嘅同理心先有靈感創作。我畀唔到佢。我係極度理性思維。
===》「你會唔會覺得因為冇同理心,自己會唔會唔開心?」
我係活到最近呢幾年我前夫好洩氣,好幸苦咁話我知 我冇同理心,我先知道我係冇同理心。咁以前活到中年的我咪又係咁過,過往同佢相處20年咪又係咁過來,我從來冇分析過因為咁而唔開心。因為佢話左畀我知,我理解到由於我冇同理心,所以佢同我相處互動應該係好唔開心。我唔係想佢唔開心喔,但nothing I could do about it. 我問我先生會唔會因為我冇同理心,佢會唔開心。我先生回:「我唔會唔開心,我用理性知識來解譯妳嘅表現。你前夫用感情emotion來解譯你嘅缺陷,當然就你就得幸苦啦。而且我從你過往與人相處之道,我知道你做人有『義氣』!有愛心!實質上犧牲了你自己好多都要待人好!」
===》「你有冇小朋友?如果冇同理心點同小朋友相處?」
我同前夫生左三個。我知道自己socially awkward. 所以好多時 小朋友 有 play group time, 我都會讓我前夫去身教小朋友如何social. 照顧小朋友,我比前夫做得好。相處方面,除左第二個女因有與生俱來的嚴重腦癱,其她兩個女,我冇乜機會同佢地單獨相處。所以當一齊相處時,我可以做和應,yes 媽咪 都冇問題。我大女細個果陣都被評估係邊緣阿氏保加症。而家兩個女都係青少年。大女讀書好叻,我前夫話學左我。細女都叻,不過社交方面比大女識氹人歡心。最近細女在美國嘅學校就讀,唔見左支筆,朋友話被幾個結黨嘅其中一個女同學偷左來用,細女去confront她沒有問過筆嘅主人就擅自拎來用。那女同學回:「So, what can you do about it.」我細女即刻去同老師報案,剛巧果個偷嘢嘅女同學經過見到。就對我細女話佢報案係二五女,失去曬她對我細女嘅尊重之心。我細女回:「So, I don't care what you think about me. 」跟住行左去,唔在乎得罪人。細女在學校好得D老師歡心。
Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown