I understand that you are going through a difficult time in your personal life, and I sincerely hope that you will find a way to deal with it that is the best for you and your children.
I do understand how you feel. I also understand, however, that a marriage can only break apart from the inside. I do not appreciate your attempt to smear my reputation and paint me as the home wrecker. You know as well as Yale does that your marriage fell apart long before Yale and I even met. Whether or not I am in Yale's life has nothing to do with the eventual outcome of your marriage. I am sure you understand this as well, but you nonetheless sought to burn me on the cross as the scape goat for your failed marriage, which I do not believe is a mature thing to do.
Your description of the emotional damage your children have suffered is disturbing indeed. I cannot help but wondering what you have been telling them. I would think that a mother's first and foremost priority is to protect her children from any emotional damage, rather than using them as bargaining chips with a spouse or as props to win public sympathy. Yale is the children's father and will always be. I am sure he will always love them and be the best father he can be to them. Wouldn't it make more sense, for the sake of the children's well-being, to emphasize to them that both their parents will always love them even though one parent will not be living with them all the time? I do not see what benefit there could possibly be to teach the children to hate their own father.
You asked me how it was like to sleep in Yale's arms. I also wanted to ask you, Lily, why would you want to hang on to someone who clearly does not want to be with you at all? Lily, you are intelligent, highly-educated and you have a high-paying and well-respected job. So why did you spend so much time and energy trying to force someone who does not care about you to stay with you? As a fellow woman I want to ask you this, don't you think you deserve better? If there's anything that is worse than sleeping in the arms of another woman's husband, it is sleeping in the arms of someone who resents you, cannot stand you and wants to run away from you whenever he gets a chance. So Lily, why would you want to put yourself in that situation? Once again, don't you think you deserve better?
I sincerely hope that the pain you are currently feeling will subside soon and you can turn a new leaf in your life. Please remember, you can lose a job, you can lose a spouse, but you should never lose yourself. And please, do not vent your negative feelings on your children. They are innocent. Please always keep in mind their best interests rather than your own. You deserve true happiness, and I hope that you will find it soon.
小三有幾個points確是極之有道理：(不要插我呀，我真的認為她說得很正確)
1) a marriage can only break apart from the inside
2) a mother's first and foremost priority is to protect her children from any emotional damage, rather than using them as bargaining chips with a spouse
3) why did you spend so much time and energy trying to force someone who does not care about you to stay with you?
4) you can lose a job, you can lose a spouse, but you should never lose yourself
5) do not vent your negative feelings on your children
其實，其餘大部份的內容也有道理，只是以她的身份是不適合去作任何回應的。此外，她對於有關sleeping in the arms of another woman's husband 的回應，以她的身份那樣回應，真的很殘酷，心地很差，我看不起她！
原帖由 全為愛 於 10-3-21 00:36 發表
小三有幾個points確是極之有道理：(不要插我呀，我真的認為她說得很正確)
1) a marriage can only break apart from the inside
2) a mother's first and foremost priority is to protect her children from any emotio ...
就文章而然，不單觀點簡潔有力，而且起承轉合都十分之好，令人感到十分有說服力。除了第一點外，以上各點都是老生常談的人生道理，令一篇本來不該由作者發出的書信成為一篇由外人來看十分之得體的文章，足見作者不論人生經驗，以至個人思辯都有十足修為。
但看文章除了論點及論據要有力合理之外，是否切合論題也是要點。除了第一點外，作為一個第三者，是否適合由她引用其他的觀點去安慰及鼓厲，以流行觀點而言，作為受害者的樓主？不論事情如何（我不知成件事如何），作為取得最大利益的第三者（以書信來看，地最後得到了他），是否應該以第三者的身份去寫這封信？觀乎其行文用詞，作為如此有人生經驗的第三者沒有理由不知道以其身份寫此信對樓主所產生的影響。若只以動機而言，以其CC LIST 那麼多人來看，此信似是向各人解譯多於真誠地鼓厲樓主重過新生。而除了第一點外的各點都是與離婚後如何重過新生有關的，而不是為何YALE會和樓主離婚有關的，若以解譯為何樓主會和YALE離婚作為以信重點的話，是離題了。
若真的是關心樓主的話，此信應由YALE或其朋友發出，作者應知其中利害，由以觀之，如此好文的受文者不是其MAIL TO的受信人，而只是CC LIST 中的其他人了。
”a marriage can only break apart from the inside“只是作者的觀點，作為有力於否的論點，當應以實際情況而論，由於不知就裏，不述之。（若換以“a marriage can only be broken apart from the outside”又如何？）
是故，雖說其觀點正確，但若以作者及受信的的關係而言此信是不適當的。而我們更不應因作者利用其他看似相關的正確觀點而認同其主旨。事實上，以作者的身份而言，其主旨是隱侮，其觀點與主旨是風馬牛不相及的。
當然，以現實情況來看，樓主的確應看看其中的觀點，重新開始新的生活，才是對自己及子女的上策。姑勿論其動機，作為母親，樓主請以子女的利益着想，令自已及子女受的傷害減到最小。
These points only be general speeking, but not....
1) a marriage can only break apart from the inside
I sort of agree, but I would not agree this is the ONLY element for all the cases.
The following points only could be used as a general speaking, but never should be address to a particular person.
As 小三 address to Lily and keep using "YOU", this is judgmental speaking. And really this could be false witness. 作了假見證。抹黑了Lily.
May be Lily 作了假見證。抹黑了小三, that is another topic of discussion.
As a reader, we need to keep in mind that do not believe in the judgement from 小三 to Lily is true.
Lily might just educate her children that the right things to do with marriage problem is to work together to solve it instead of like their Dad, to avoid it and devoice. This action hurt people and is no good. Lily might just address to the result and action, but not to the person. So her children can make right decision when they grow up and learn from their Dad's mistake.
But it has been twisted the interpretation as shown in 小三's statement which has made Lily looks like a vengeance woman. These are not good statements at all. I mean, it needs more wrapping and better way to say it.
2) a mother's first and foremost priority is to protect her children from any emotional damage, rather than using them as bargaining chips with a spouse
3) why did you spend so much time and energy trying to force someone who does not care about you to stay with you?
4) you can lose a job, you can lose a spouse, but you should never lose yourself
5) do not vent your negative feelings on your children
3封信睇晒, 英文水平之高令我十分佩服, 可惜學識高並不代表品格高, 即使人家夫妻有什麼問題, 都唔係做第3者既藉口, 還大條道理咁, 真係不知廉恥為何物, 我同意" a marriage can only break apart from the inside", but 夫妻之間有問題, 都唔係個husband搞婚外情既理由, 如果真係唔可以再一齊, 應該先分開, 再發展另一段感情.
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