keep calm,(I know it's difficult)
I'd tried to have baby for about 5 years at least. Every month, I count the day. the date of m come. the day of do do. If my husband did not want to do do on do do days, i would be very very very unhappy. and wait wait wait for another month. Sometimes i cried at night. very grey. like you. Sometime i thought it's better not to have a baby. But it was only a lie to myself. Time is difficult. Every day i think about having a baby. i went to shatin Po lin temple and pray for many weeks. 莊香&求神 for 3 years. I went to 睇相 two times too. one told me i can have 3 babies if i want. One told me maybe i have a baby after 35. So i wait and wait with hope. Last year i was 35. and i got pregnant without any treatment. Now my baby is 6 months.
So don't worry. The baby will come at the right time.