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發表於 08-4-14 13:13 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-13 21:30 發表

bigbigfamily :

When you're aware that you need to make a change in your attitude, you're going the right direction and I believe that the situation will soon be improved.
The first thing to start ...

Hi SandraLo,

Thank you so much for your professional assistance. Yesterday, my son and I created his working schedule. He was asking me, 'Why? Why? Why? Why do I need a schedule?'. I explained to him I would want him to have time to work, study and play. I asked him if he likes to play, he said yes! To make it a realistic task, I told him I would give him 30mins to complete his assignment for each subject. 20mins break will be given to him to play his favor game or his favor cartoon. If he spends more than 30mins, the extra time will be deducted from his break. He then kept on telling me he did not understand the schedule, so I put it into writing and a graph. On the other hand, I told him if he could finish his task in less than 30mins, the extra unused time will be added into his break. He then smiled and asked me if he could finish his assignment at school, is he still entitle for that 30mins. I explained to him that will be given to him after he completes his study for the day (review of what he learns from school on that day.) He agreed but with some mumble rumble.

To make sure my son is completely agreed with his schedule. I asked him if the kids from school could not be able to finish their classwork, the teacher would also ask that kid to spend his/ her break to complete the unfinished work. He said yes, and he told me once the kid finished his work, he could still go for his break. I told him it is exactly the same.

We started our studies yesterday. I rewarded him with a 30mins break after he completed his dictation. I then rewarded him another 30mins after he completed his Math review. It went quiet smoothly. I did not raise my voice. When he became distracted, I would tell him his play time is losing. Right away, he came back. We are using a little timer to calculate the time. Let's see how things go.

I also talked to my hubby I am seeking for help from the BK expert. I told him I do definitely have to change my behavior and fix my negative attitude. I told him yelling and scolding would not help our son. We have to stop asap. (my husband only raise up his voice if our son really did something inappropriate.) I told him he has to work with me. We have to change our tactic. Use more positive words and encourage him more, reward him with his performance. I am really looking forward to have the harmony back into our house. We used to be a very happy family. I hope that won't be long. Thank you sincerely for your help again.

Bigbigfamily
(PS. I Just sent you my email address through PM)

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發表於 08-4-14 22:41 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 bigbigfamily 於 08-4-14 13:13 發表
Hi SandraLo,
Thank you so much for your professional assistance. Yesterday, my son and I created his working schedule. He was asking me, 'Why? Why? Why? Why do I need a schedule?'. I explained to ...

bigbigfamily :

Everything will soon be ok ! Just a little reminder :
1/
don't forget to praise (口頭讚賞) every time he finished one task.
2/
If he ever failed to complete his homework in that session and he lost temper/got angry when he could not get his reward, you must stand firm and insist not to give him the reward. Remember there's no need to blame him. Simply ignore (give no reaction to) his bad temper and it's ok.

[ 本文章最後由 SandraLo 於 08-4-14 22:46 編輯 ]

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發表於 08-4-14 22:53 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 fatbabyfat 於 08-4-14 10:24 發表
hi hi, 你好, 多謝你肯幫忙.
以前晚上多數係佢 daddy 同佢講故事, 而家佢都可以接受我, 不過有時要 daddy 坐係隔離, 有時可以我自己一個.
我要返工的, 由於我身體有問題, 我放工後, 每個禮拜一, 四同五都要去做針 ...

fatbabyfat :

Sorry今晚大部份時間上唔到BK, 我明日才答你, 你都pm個e-mail add俾我, 個剪報你都啱睇！

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發表於 08-4-15 12:06 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-14 22:41 發表

bigbigfamily :

Everything will soon be ok ! Just a little reminder :
1/
don't forget to praise (口頭讚賞) every time he finished one task.
2/
If he ever failed to complete his homework in that sess ...

Good morning SandraLo,

We officially started our schedule yesterday. I recorded the time that my son spent on each assignment, review studies and his break too. It took him an extra 5mins to complete his English assignment. Therefore, I deducted 5mins from his break. He did not really complain. After he took his break, he took 10mins to finish his Chinese assignment. I then rewarded him that extra 20mins into his break. He was so excited and asked me if that real, and if he could do anything that he wanted. I told him definitely, the extra playtime would always be rewarded to him if he could finish his assignment in less than 30mins. It was good, cos' before he started his game, I told him when he needed to return to his desk. He did follow the instruction and put away his game when he finished his break.

After he finished his task for the whole day, I told him he did good, so I rewarded him 1 stick. He asked me what do we do with the stick? I explained to him that every month we will calculate the total # of stickers that he receives. If he receives 25 stickers, I will take him to places that he wants to go, or buy him a small gift (price not more than $200). He reacted very positively.

A little funny thing to share, when I helped my son shower, I told him he did a really good job. I asked him if he likes his new schedule, he replied yes. I told him me too. Because mommy really wants to see him to work hard and play hard. Moreover, I really do not enjoy yelling and scolding him. He said, now I can play after I finished my work. I told him definitely.

Thank you so much. I read the article that you sent me. I was definitely trying to use Psychological Control method to lead my son. That was the way that I was being brought up. I told myself, I hate it and I would never apply that to my own kid (before I was married). It is so pathetic. I tried to suppress the negative behavior that I picked up from my mom (the way that she used to teach us). I really hope I can still fix the damage that I did to my son. I am learning to understand him, respect him, response to him accordingly, reward him for his good behavior and performance, guide him back to the right track from his mistake (w/o yelling and blaming), clearly state out my expectation on him (realistic one!).

Please let me know if there is any other thing that I should be aware. Thank you again for your time.

Bigbigfamily

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發表於 08-4-15 16:00 |顯示全部帖子

dear SandraLo,

thx for your advises.I have read throught the power of praise and the method of ignore. i recently applied the method to my son. it seemed that the power of praise is quite super. by appreciation, he's becomming more co-opperative, more willing to follow my commands.
in the meantime, i also reminded myself to keep calm. don't lose temper in front of him.
another question is that, he is easy to vomit all the things out once he becomes upset and keep crying. if i ignore him, let him keep crying, things will happen sooner or later, so how to deal with this problem then??

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發表於 08-4-15 22:32 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 fatbabyfat 於 08-4-14 10:24 發表
hi hi, 你好, 多謝你肯幫忙.
以前晚上多數係佢 daddy 同佢講故事, 而家佢都可以接受我, 不過有時要 daddy 坐係隔離, 有時可以我自己一個.
我要返工的, 由於我身體有問題, 我放工後, 每個禮拜一, 四同五都要去做針 ...

fatbabyfat :

你嘅問題係要分兩方面去解決：一是要她鍾意你, 另一樣是怎樣管教！
我說細個小朋友一般都好黐媽咪, 是因為媽咪和他們一起的時間較多, 假如你沒花過時間和她一起玩, 還要只在她做錯時話她, 那她喜歡你才怪呢！
要她鍾意你很簡單, 花時間和她玩便可 (並不是縱她) ,假如現在和她講故事和玩煮飯仔的是daddy, 而她又不許你加入, 你便要「開發」一些新遊戲, 是其他人不會和她玩的, 這局面很快便可扭轉的了！
至於管教方面, 你一定是和bigbigfamily一樣, 自少被自己阿媽「話」大, 於是照做, 可惜今時今日, 呢套巳經唔work！我成日都講, 小朋友(或任何人)做錯事唔啱, 你話佢佢就改, 咁基本上就係天下太平, 冇壞人啦！快d 睇番「點讚」個topic, 學識用讚嚟矯正壞行為, 而一切說教式的「教」, 改為在故事中講解, 但唔好太刻意同唔好針對佢咁講, 而係針對番件錯嘅事！

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發表於 08-4-15 22:54 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 cocochiu 於 08-4-15 16:00 發表
dear SandraLo,
another question is that, he is easy to vomit all the things out once he becomes upset and keep crying. if i ignore him, let him keep crying, things will happen sooner or later, so how to deal with this problem then??

cocochiu :

Would you give him those things he asked for when he had cried for some time (and you expect he's going to throw up) ?
How about if I said he's "making" himself thrown up in order to win (get what he wants) ?
What is his favorite game/toy ?

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發表於 08-4-15 23:16 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 bigbigfamily 於 08-4-15 12:06 發表
Good morning SandraLo,
We officially started our schedule yesterday. I recorded the time that my son spent on each assignment, review studies and his break too. It took him an extra 5mins to comp ...

bigbigfamily :

Congratulation ! You've made it !
For some of the mothers, they put their stories here when they find their kids difficult to manage..... but if they don't want to make any change, nobody could help ! So, thank for yourself, too !
p.s. make good use of the story-time to teach him and the two of you will get even closer.

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發表於 08-4-16 11:15 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-15 23:16 發表

bigbigfamily :

Congratulation ! You've made it !
For some of the mothers, they put their stories here when they find their kids difficult to manage..... but if they don't want to make any change, n ...

Dear SandraLo,

I will definitely do that. Moreover, thank you for reminding me the story time. We used to have the story time, but I stopped that for more than a year again. I will start it again. You are right! My son loves listen to my story and I really enjoy that too. Thank you!

Bigbigfamily

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發表於 08-4-16 15:18 |顯示全部帖子

dear SandraLo,

Well, i support u that he wants to get what he wanted through vomit all the things out. eg, If he doesn't want to eat, he may say I am full mum, and when i ask him to have one last spoon, coz he just finished half of his meal, he will cough and start vomiting. another example is that, he sometimes doesn't want daddy play with him, he will then repeatedly asking mami to play with, if i don't fullfill him, he might keep crying and screaming and then vomit the things out. Do I need to give what he wants or just ignore him?? i just feel confuse. I truly don't know how to prevent him from vomiting but still can work the principle of ignore out.
for the second question, he likes to play cars very much eg Thomas, Mc Queen or so.

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-15 22:54 發表

cocochiu :

Would you give him those things he asked for when he had cried for some time (and you expect he's going to throw up) ?
How about if I said he's "making" himself thrown up in order to win ...

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發表於 08-4-16 22:17 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 cocochiu 於 08-4-16 15:18 發表
dear SandraLo,
Well, i support u that he wants to get what he wanted through vomit all the things out. eg, If he doesn't want to eat, he may say I am full mum, and when i ask him to have one last spo ...

cocochiu :

Of course you can’t give what he asks for in this case !
I wrote the following recently in the topic 小朋友大脾氣,可以點教, and I think it’s also suitable for you.
Please read from March 30, 08 WindyChow’s case :
http://forum.baby-kingdom.com/viewthread.php?tid=840915&extra=&page=1
Let me quote the most important part for you :
每次我見到呢d case, 都忍唔住會心微笑….. 依家d 靚仔就係咁 ~~ 食住上！
你諗吓, 假如佢做嘅嘢係你唔怕嘅, 即係影響唔到你嘅, 佢做嚟做乜？梗係最攞你命, 一做你即頂唔順、要乜俾乜嘅, 佢先做啦！
如果你Day1就識處理呢d 情况, 佢係冇得曳落去, 但如果而家咁嘅情況, 你ignore得唔夠徹底, 即係你話咗唔俾, 但扭/喊過咗半個鐘(一段較長時間), 佢又都係扭到嘅, 咁就會愈嚟愈難搞, 因為响佢嚟講, 係冇嘢扭唔到, 到你想變招治佢, 佢亦會將行動升級「大走你」(例如揀最污糟最多人嗰度至瞓落去, 或者撞頭埋牆) ！
好啦, 明白咗你仔仔點解咁做之後, 你就要「量力而為」咁去拆解……..
其實方法都只係嗰個, 最簡單亦最有效：讚+ ignore！(睇番我之前俾你個topic)
你能夠做到撓埋雙手唔出聲睇住佢瞓地大喊, 2-3次就會成功; 而量力而為嘅意思係：假設你係唔會忍受到佢响街瞓地大喊, 就唔好嘗試去ignore, 因ignore係唔可以半途而廢的, 咁佢响街叫你買糖, 你就乖乖咁買, 唔好話佢任何嘢, 亦唔好附加任何條件 (例如買咗返屋企至准食等等), 總之就唔好俾佢「開始」扭！
若佢真係開始咗扭, 你冇把握ignore, 亦可不作聲即捉佢上的士返屋企, 返到去佢瞓地你就唔駛理佢, 記住你要預自己頂得住約個半鐘至好！
I think you can understand more now. It's your reaction that reinforce his vomit ! If you can ignore this, he won't do it again ! So, are you prepared yourself to help him to quit this bad habit ? I'll teach you if your answer is YES.

[ 本文章最後由 SandraLo 於 08-4-16 22:18 編輯 ]

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發表於 08-4-17 15:52 |顯示全部帖子

Dear SandraLo,

Thx for your reply. Quit his bad habit is what the thing deeply in my mind. it's good to hear that u have the method to treat such kind of kids.
by giving praise to him, he is now becoming more co-operative, our relationship is also becoming more harmony.
For the issue of vomiting, i wanna discribe it in detail. he has trained up himself to start vomiting only in 2-3 mins. it's truly horrible. so, i'm keenly want to know the method to stop his bad habit.
thx a lot!!

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-16 22:17 發表

cocochiu :

Of course you can’t give what he asks for in this case !
I wrote the following recently in the topic 小朋友大脾氣,可以點教, and I think it’s also suitable for you.
Please read from Ma ...

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發表於 08-4-17 20:59 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 cocochiu 於 08-4-17 15:52 發表
Dear SandraLo,

Thx for your reply. Quit his bad habit is what the thing deeply in my mind. it's good to hear that u have the method to treat such kind of kids.
by giving praise to him, he is now beco ...

cocochiu :

ok ! One more question before we start....
what would you do when he throw up ?
Give him what he wants immediately and then clean up ?

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發表於 08-4-17 22:35 |顯示全部帖子

Dear SandraLo,

My son can control his vomiting. He did it in order to get what he wants. Whenever he vomit, I became angry and scold him for vomiting and for most of the time, I refused to give him what he wanted. I just don't understand the purpose why he vomits. Maybe he wants to make me angry or he really wants something?

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-17 20:59 發表

cocochiu :

ok ! One more question before we start....
what would you do when he throw up ?
Give him what he wants immediately and then clean up ?

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發表於 08-4-18 22:40 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 cocochiu 於 08-4-17 22:35 發表
Dear SandraLo,
My son can control his vomiting. He did it in order to get what he wants. Whenever he vomit, I became angry and scold him for vomiting and for most of the time, I refused to give him ...

cocochiu :

好啦! Let’s go.......

都係嗰招：praise + ignore
當他冇喊冇扭又冇嘔的時候讚他：好乖喎, 囝囝好叻冇嘔喎！(有d奇怪, 不過都要讚)一日最好三次！
到真係嘔咗, 唔好話同鬧, 當冇事發生, 如有工人, 可叫囝囝自己叫工人清理, 如冇工人或工人不在, 可故意拖慢來清理, 期間不做任何反應, 不說任何話, 亦不能嬲, 清理完, 之前叫他做未完成的, 一定要做番, 他要求的, 如你說了唔俾, 嘔都係唔俾(所以說前都要諗吓係咪一定唔俾得)。
其實佢應該係用呢樣嘢嚟「反抗」你兼seek你attention, 而你鬧佢都係俾緊attention佢,於是就reinforce咗佢繼續做。
除此之外, 要俾佢少食多餐, 不要太飽, 餐後不要飲太多水, 等兩餐中間飲多些；如當日冇嘔過, 臨睡前再讚一次, 並用獎勵來加强讚的效果, 例如說：嘩你今日好乖冇嘔, 媽咪獎你食雪糕(喜愛但又知你不會常給他的食物, 或同他玩他最喜歡的玩具/game)！
有冇問題？

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發表於 08-4-22 22:14 |顯示全部帖子

Dear SandraLo,

thx for your suggestion. now i know what ppl say " no response is the best response" ok, from today on i will try my best to do so.
actually, praise is truly works. from the date i changed my attitude towards my son.he's already became much happlier than ever before.

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-18 22:40 發表

cocochiu :

好啦! Let’s go.......

都係嗰招：praise + ignore
當他冇喊冇扭又冇嘔的時候讚他：好乖喎, 囝囝好叻冇嘔喎！(有d奇怪, 不過都要讚)一日最好三次！
到真係嘔咗, 唔好話同鬧, 當冇事發生, 如有工人, 可叫囝 ...

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發表於 08-4-23 12:22 |顯示全部帖子

原文章由 cocochiu 於 08-4-22 22:14 發表
Dear SandraLo,
thx for your suggestion. now i know what ppl say " no response is the best response" ok, from today on i will try my best to do so.
actually, praise is truly works. from the date i ch ...

cocochiu :

Awaiting for your good news !!!

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發表於 08-4-24 15:58 |顯示全部帖子

Dear SandraLo,

Last night, my son vomited all the milk out after drinking a bottle of milk. this time, i did what u taught. i didn
t blame him, just asked him if he's ok now.as he said "yes", i prepared another bottle to him and he finished it up and then i said" u r a good boy, u drink up the milk without vomiting". he smiled towards me and said" mami, if i vomit, i'm not a good boy and i will upset mami." at the moment, i felt that he became more mature than i expected, then i held him into my embrace warmly .
i hope this will be a good beginning for our relationship. today I deeply understand for why ppl said "taking care a child is a way to train up your Eq."
thx for your teaching in these days!!

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-23 12:22 發表

cocochiu :

Awaiting for your good news !!!

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