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ahkc


大宅

積分: 2819

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1#
發表於 04-10-28 12:52 |只看該作者

working mother blues

中文打字很慢, 因此用英語, 見諒.
We hired a Indo helper to take care of my son from newborn and she has lived with us from then on. My baby now 14th month old. These few months, his emotion attach firmly to my helper, my son always cry out loud when he finds she is out of his sight. Also my son has sleeping problems and he cannot sleep through the night. When he wakes up in his bed, he only needs my helper's comfort. I am so depressed. I have already spend all my spare time with him. I have a strong feelings that my helper "has stolen" my son's love from me and the role of mother as well. Blues, what can I do to drive it away?
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HoHoMom


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2#
發表於 04-10-28 14:18 |只看該作者

Re: working mother blues

ahkc,

Try to think on the bright side : your helper must have been very nice to your son and very attentive to his needs so that he likes her so much. So your son is in pretty good hands.

I guess spending time with your son is the only solution to your problem. Maybe you can try taking a one-week leave from work and ask your maid to take that one week off to go home too. You will be the only caretaker of your son in the whole of that week. Trust me, you will be surprised what magic that short time together alone will work.
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sweetma


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3#
發表於 04-10-28 14:47 |只看該作者

Re: working mother blues

I can feel your disappoinetment though you should treasure how good your maid is doing her work.

I also work full time. My mother and my Phil maid look after my 16 month daughter during my absence. But I don't have your problem. In fact, I found my little one too attached to me. When I go to work, she cries and cries. When I get home, she wants me to hold her all the time.

I guess the essence is you should SPEND MORE TIME
with your little boy. I sleep with my little girl at night from she is born. I breastfed her for 10 months and I always comfort her when she wake up in the middle of the night no matter how sleepy I am. I try to feed her on every occasion possible. I change her nappy whenever I am home. I sing to her and read story books to her everynight.

I know you are also a very caring mother. If you have already done all you could, maybe you should just relax and maybe this is just transitional and your boy will change his attitude one day. Relax.
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prettymama


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4#
發表於 04-10-28 14:54 |只看該作者

Re: working mother blues

我的case咪和你一樣。我bb依家有22個月大，印印由佢出世照顧到依家。雖然我係喂母乳到佢一歲，而且和bb

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charlene


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5#
發表於 04-10-28 18:12 |只看該作者

Re: working mother blues

prettymama,
我都係餵母乳到佢一歲多，而且和 bb 同一間房瞓，半夜醒都係我自己照顧。自佢出世到現在,無一晚可以睡得好的.每日放工，都係即回家湊佢,同佢沖涼,電視都唔多睇,陪佢玩.
但BB近兩歲的日子,開始親日間見到的人.每晚我拖住疲累的身驅回家,只渴望佢熱情的擁抱.但佢竟然只是拉住照顧佢的人,卻推開入門口正想親親佢的媽媽説"唔要媽媽!".再堅強,兩行淚水都會立即滴下.是我錯嗎 可以的話,媽媽都好想在家陪你:exclaim:
唔係話小器,亦明白小孩子會依賴,佢的反應唔代表佢真係唔喜歡我,只係那一刻真係好難受 :cry:
老公叫我唔好太敏感.但係做 working mom 的矛盾,只有我們這些過來"女"人,才會明白.
在不悅的背後,只好慶幸照顧佢的人係錫佢,而唔係傷害佢.
同時自己留意親子,但亦提醒自己不要因為要贏取佢的愛而寵壞佢.要適當的教導.
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ahkc


大宅

積分: 2819

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6#
發表於 04-10-29 12:36 |只看該作者

Re: working mother blues

Dear Hohoma, Sweetma, charlene & prettymama:

好感謝你們的回應, 鼓勵和分享你們的感受. 讓我知道自己並不孤獨. 係ah,過來"女"人先明白. 老公只可以理解, 但是不能感受到的.

是的,每次仔仔要"逃脫"我的懷抱走去"姐姐"那裏時, 我的心真是"拿住""拿住", 非常難受. 只有"姐姐"休假或仔仔想去街, 仔仔先跟我, 我發現我原來只是second best. 有時甚至想"炒左工人, 從新開始.

我真不想那憂鬱時來偷襲, 我要找出方向, 堅定一套信念. 昨天我致電給健康院, 和姑娘談了一 會. 姑娘細心傾聽後說BB很正常, 這時期他需要依附, 只不過對像是工人. 日後會慢慢改善, 母親永遠是母親, 無人可以代替. 仔仔現在應該很快樂, 問題是我如何處理不安情感.

現在我只可以, 如你們所說, 繼續利用我全部可利用的時間和他共處 (上班前去公園玩半個鍾, 下班後即回家玩,或一起去購物, 直至九時多仔仔眼瞓唔要我, 及星期六日). 我會學習控制情緒, 接受事實, 也要靜默忍耐, 跟charlene & prettymama 你們一樣做好自己職責, 等待有一天...我們的孩子自動投入我們的懷抱裏, 緊緊地! Best of luck to us ALL!!!
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