夫婦情感 今日: 0|主題: 42776

我對我前度未婚夫，我前夫 同我現任先生 都係一樣嘅要求，一事同人，冇偏心，我亦唔要求佢哋係性事上只同我。只要求佢哋持守安全性行為，對我坦白同過邊個，保障到我一生嘅婚姻生活，經濟上唔離棄我就得。

我沒有機會同我前度未婚夫講，佢就已經同我退婚。我前夫聽到就認為我唔愛佢。我剛問我先生點解佢平心接受到我咁而且照接我過門。

His analysis of why it works for him as having an Asperger me as his submissive wife:

My neurotypical husband wrote this part:

Being in any long term relationship is hard work. Many married couples who are both are neurotypical complain of not receiving what they need from their partner. It may be lack of romance, lack of understanding, lack of respect for their partner’s feelings. Having a partner with Aspergers does have challenges but they are not that different than other relationships.

In our relationship, I am romantic and she is not. I do romantic things and she does not understand that they are romantic. In previous relationships when I try to discuss this with my partner, she would be upset and respond in a negative way. With my Aspergers partner, she accepts what I say without negative emotion. This makes it easier for us to discuss the situation and find ways to improve it. In our case I have found that, while she is not romantic, there are things I do that bring her great joy and excitement. So I focus my romantic actions in those areas. She loves to eat and be by my side, so I take her on business trips with me. This way she gets to stay near me and we have the opportunity to try new restaurants and new foods in whatever city my business takes me. It is a little different than the romance I normally enjoy, but seeing her enjoyment brings me great happiness.

We have also discussed the possibility of me taking on another partner to fulfill my romantic needs. She is comfortable with that as long as I am open from the start, keep her involved in the relationship and continue to care for her. As long as I do not leave her, she is not concern with me finding romance with someone else. That is part of the Aspergers. She has very specific criteria for her happiness. As long as I meet those, I have the freedom to do what ever I want.

In relations with Aspergers partner, the neurotypical is usually the one who takes care of the Aspergers partner. In my relationship I am a dominant, so taking care of my partner is natural for me. But being dominant all the time and always being the one in control is exhausting. Having spoken with other dominant / submissive couples, I have heard other dominants complain about the same thing. Being a dominant is a little different than being a care giver though. I can order my submissive to leave me be, let me rest, give me a back rub or make me dinner. That helps me to unwind. With an Aspergers partner you are dominant but also the care giver. I do not know if you have the option to make a restful place for your self or order your partner to help you make a restful place. But it is something you can talk to your partner about. With my Aspergers partner, she want to ensure I stay and take care of her forever, so she is willing to do many things for me to make sure I stay.

That is another aspect of having a Aspergers partner that I like. She has a very specific set of criteria she needs from me. As long as I meet those criteria she is happy. For her, this is love. She needs to have a man who will provide for her, give her a place to live, sleep and eat. She needs a man who will promise to stay forever and care for her. From my experience with relationships I have had with other women, I find my Aspergers is very easy for me to love, because it is very easy to understand what will make her happy. There is no guessing. There are no emotional game. We hardly ever fight because what each of us wants from the other is honest and simple which makes it easy to fulfill.

There is a downside too. She has said that if she find a man who is willing to marry her without dating and give her $5M USD so she can use it to care for her family, she will leave me and take the man with the money. I think she would really do this if the opportunity came up. Does that mean she does not love me? I do not think so. Does that mean she would chose me over the man with the money, probably not. It is a downside of Aspergers that the logical criteria for the relationship will overpower any emotions the person has underneath. I am not worried though. The chances of her meeting such a man are very low.