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Baby Kingdom - 親子王國香港討論區 › 首頁 › 夫婦情感› 這個男人還值得我與他一齊嗎?

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這個男人還值得我與他一齊嗎? [複製鏈接]

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fayeyin666

複式洋房

積分: 431

1^#

發表於 10-4-21 17:26 |只看該作者 |倒序瀏覽 |打印

我與他相識已有1年半, 我懷孕已5個月. 他是我第一個男人, 因此希望是最後一個. (我今年30歲, 但戀愛經驗少.)
未有bb之前也經常出現磨擦, 核心是我認為他對我不夠好. 自從有了bb後, 情況似乎變得更差.
case1.
我叫他年初一情人節求婚. (因為我知如自己不開口, 他將是順理成章以為來緊是簽字註冊了事). 誰知他一點準備也沒有. 沒浪漫情節, 沒花. 戒指是有, 但是舊的. 不知他何年何月買下的. 因為一點也不合我的尺寸, 加上無包裝, 有[霞痴]. 他的回答是以前為我買下的, 但他有戴過.
case2.
因為他無錢, 我也不想增添大家生活的困難. 因此禮金(給媽媽的錢)不要. 婚禮從簡. 但他要求我去他家與他及家姐住, 因此的私自決定不註冊(拖字決). 因為他姐姐是一個對家嫂有要求的人, 加上他又是一個大男人. 因此自從我有bb, 他們開始明言要我做家務. 而且認為這是我的職責. 因此令我已是好厭惡去他家.
case3.
我去10次產前檢查, 他只陪過我2次. 因為他返工請不了假我體諒. 但....有次我不舒服去睇急証, 他又因返緊工陪不了我去, 我都忍. 但他竟然收佐工也不來陪我(當時我還未離去). 我知道他返工忙, 收工累. 因此他甚少打電話來關心我. 我忍耐! 因為他都話要努力工作賺錢養bb. 但有個星期六, 他去了與一班朋友玩通宵. 第二天星期日我與他見面, 離開時叫他送我回家. 他竟然又以累為由不送我. 我大緊肚呀! 平時不關心我當自己沒開口明言啦! 當下一刻我堅持要他送. 同樣地他也堅持不送(在他家). 最後我又哭又和哀求, 他一於不理我. 結果, 我唯有傷心地默默離去.
到現在4日了. 他打過2次電話來, 我沒聽. 來緊如何做? 我真的不知道.

0 0 0

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MINIBEAN

大宅

積分: 2328

好媽媽勳章

2^#

發表於 10-4-21 17:34 |只看該作者

可能你真係拍得拖少,男人係咁GA啦,長路漫漫,你以後要點過呀,個人認為,你要求的好多時只會出現在電影/電視上,但係我又唔排除呢個世界上有D男人係好細心既,不過好少law

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ume

公爵府

積分: 29804

3^#

發表於 10-4-21 17:39 |只看該作者

在女人眼中從來分手與否都唔係值唔值得，而係愛不愛，只要你仍然愛這個男人，你自然會有一萬個方法、理由去留下。
在你既文中，表現到這個BB對你倆來說是個意外，BB不是你們的計劃，亦因為咁你和他都對將來的生活有著不一樣的期侍或睇法。
我覺得你而家最重要的是想清楚將來既路，你的男人未預備好成為一個爸爸是一個事實，為BB好，我覺得你必需要做一個最壞的打算，你可能要好吃力的一個人担起父和母的角色，你有能力做得到嗎？

[ 本帖最後由 ume 於 10-4-21 17:43 編輯 ]

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beirut

大宅

積分: 2225

畀面勳章

4^#

發表於 10-4-21 17:44 |只看該作者

唔好介意,是否因為有bb才結婚?

這個男人還值得我與他一齊嗎? => 你是否可以離開他?

原帖由 fayeyin666 於 10-4-21 17:26 發表
我與他相識已有1年半, 我懷孕已5個月. 他是我第一個男人, 因此希望是最後一個. (我今年30歲, 但戀愛經驗少.)
未有bb之前也經常出現磨擦, 核心是我認為他對我不夠好. 自從有了bb後, 情況似乎變得更差.
case1.
我叫他 ...

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落地孩兒

大宅

積分: 2148

5^#

發表於 10-4-21 18:55 |只看該作者

原帖由 MINIBEAN 於 10-4-21 17:34 發表
可能你真係拍得拖少,男人係咁GA啦,長路漫漫,你以後要點過呀,個人認為,你要求的好多時只會出現在電影/電視上,但係我又唔排除呢個世界上有D男人係好細心既,不過好少law ...

認同,我同我男友拍拖8年先結緍,佢一樣冇求婚,冇花,冇跪地,有結婚介指,冇求婚介指

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wife

子爵府

積分: 14859

6^#

發表於 10-4-21 19:41 |只看該作者

完全睇吾到佢對你應有的愛護,吾好講有無BB,就算無都吾好咁無心,而家未結婚都咁衰,結咗就真係....!考慮清楚先, 有BB都可以吾結婚, 免第時煩...!

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farcow

別墅

積分: 707

7^#

發表於 10-4-21 19:43 |只看該作者

我覺得男人係同佢拍拖時, 已經不可以"縱" 佢!!

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jactse

複式洋房

積分: 287

8^#

發表於 10-4-21 20:07 |只看該作者

可能之前冇咩拍過拖,對浪漫有太多遐想. 有花有介指當然最好,冇亦冇所謂,重點係佢愛唔愛同錫唔錫你.

講真你地係有咗先結? 點解要嫁得咁急. 好明顯佢諗住你都走唔甩! 既然已經係米已成坎,仲問這個男人還值得我與他一齊嗎?根本無補於事. 除非你諗住唔要個bb,否則你都係多啲同佢傾,好好咁經營個家庭.

不過我個人唔認為第一個男人一定要係最後一個...我自己嘅經驗,唔啱就係唔啱,冇得勉強.不過我冇bb,情況同你唔同.

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farcow

別墅

積分: 707

9^#

發表於 10-4-21 20:16 |只看該作者

有左bb佢一定覺得你飛唔出佢五指山!!!

真係要好好傾下, 打後既日子點安排!!

我都有左bb, 如果老公好似你老公咁, 我都唔知點算???

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jactse

複式洋房

積分: 287

10^#

發表於 10-4-21 20:31 |只看該作者

仲有,樓主婚後盡量唔好同佢屋企人住(奶奶家都唔好)...趁而家一定要講清楚. 實在太多例子,你老公已經唔係特別錫你,加埋佢啲屋企人你會好快頂唔住.

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JoanC

珍珠宮

積分: 48784

11^#

發表於 10-4-21 20:50 |只看該作者

好坦白咁講，因為有咗先至結婚，咁樣哩段婚姻好有危機。再加上以你所講，好似只係得你期待有個婚禮，有將來的家；而男果方面就好似未有哩個打算同準備。我相信勉強無幸福囉！

如果你唔一定要哩一刻結婚，你可能真係要認清楚。無論結婚與否，你都可能要準備父兼母職，將來要靠自己。如果係咁，你覺得結婚對你係唔係仲係咁重要呢？

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全為愛

水晶宮

積分: 57598

12^#

發表於 10-4-21 21:29 |只看該作者

fayeyin666:

I'm out of town right now and I can only reply in English, hope you don't mind.

First of all, I'd like to say that from my impression (based on those cases and your responses), you both have a long road to work things out and to learn & move towards a healthy relationship. It could be a life-long learning process and so I am not going to give a lecture here : )

In short, I'd like to share with you some foods for thought, hope it may help you a bit.

1) Why men's behavior and response are always hurting us? One of the fundamental reasons is that men and women are different ... if we (women) don't realize and accept the existence of these differences, we will be disappointed and will feel hurt most of the time. To get along well with the opposite sex, we do need to understand them (how they think, how they behave, and why)! There are lots of materials on this topic and I'd like to recommend the book "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gary (there is Chinese version). Read through it and try to understand the male. This will make you feel a lot more easy and change some of your beliefs and paradigms (beliefs & paradigms that were given to you by your parents, your cultures, your friends ... etc but they may be just myths and have not been proven to be correct!)

2) What kind of relationship are you longing for? How have you been treating your boyfriend? Take some time to think thoroughly. We all desire a relationship full of love, care, trust, honesty ... etc. The trick is ... if we want a particular kind of relationship, we have to provide those particular qualities first ... simply speaking, if we want someone to love and to care for us, we have to love and care for him first and to do all these with our true heart. Don't ask for the return, just do it first (do it with true heart!) and you observe what will happen.

3) Do not try to control and manipulate, this will push the men away from us. You had begged and pledged, all these in the eyes of a man are signs of controlling and manipulating, plus these also make us unattractive. If we want to ask someone to do something, we need the appropriate and effective communication skills (and again this is a life-long learning process). How did you ask him to take you home? What did you say? Did you use words and phrases that match with his underneath desire and needs? Let me give an example here: one way of saying is e.g. "I know you are tired but I am pregnant, don't you think that you should show some cares for me ... I feel hurt that you don't care for me"; another way of saying is e.g. "I understand you are tired and I can feel how uneasy it would be for you if you have to take me home, but probably due to the hormonal effect of pregnancy, these days I do feel I need you to be around with me and take care of me, I would feel secure and being protected if you could take me home today" ... you see the difference?There are many other ways of sayings and of course it has to take other factors into account, but I am just trying to illustrate how different ways of communication could affect how a person is feeling & perceiving and hence leading to different responses.

4) your boyfriend is not quite a caring person in deed, but if you want to walk along with him the rest of your life, maybe you need to influence him (note, not control or manipulate) and also to accept some of his flaws.

5) we meet someone who has flaws that we don't like, we can either leave him and look for another better one OR we can take it as an opportunity & give it a try to learn how to love & embrace and to learn how to build a relationship (try, fail, acquire more skills and try again...) ... and after trying, if it doesn't work, then we can either choose to leave or give it another try. No matter what our choices are, we need to bear in mind that we got to learn something from it.

Good luck!

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jactse

複式洋房

積分: 287

13^#

發表於 10-4-21 22:10 |只看該作者

樓主,你真係要有心理準備,真正嘅婚姻同你想像好唔同...

浪漫唔係冇,但有更多憂柴憂米嘅現實問題(尤其你話你老公冇錢,bb又就來出生)

江山易改品性難移,你老公係大男人唔體貼你,唔好expect佢會為你或bb而改.冇人可以改變到佢只有佢自己可以...同樣地你亦只可改變自己嘅睇法同expectation,咁你會開心啲.

要有幸福嘅婚姻要好努力經營. 最緊要係, 你要記住人係你選擇嘅,條路亦係你選擇嘅,千其唔好將來後悔或埋怨.

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Nancy20090615

瑪瑙宮

積分: 135726

14^#

發表於 10-4-21 22:34 |只看該作者

呢度好多 post 都有講同男家一齊住的問題, 可以成為您借鏡嗎?

好多 post 都呻婚後 d c6 點點點, 99.9% c6 對太太的熱愛度只會漸漸下降, 唔會上升. but 佢係婚前已經下降到咁, 唔知您對幸福點睇呢?

若您同佢屋企人住埋一齊, 肯定講, 您無地位, 進退兩難, 出聲您 c6 都唔會幫您. 佢亦點都唔會搬開住, 咁您點? 您甘心做佢地奴隸嗎?

呢個決定影响您人生以後幾十年的光陰, 幸福 or not 一鋪過, 您真係要諗清楚喎.

原帖由 fayeyin666 於 10-4-21 17:26 發表
我與他相識已有1年半, 我懷孕已5個月. 他是我第一個男人, 因此希望是最後一個. (我今年30歲, 但戀愛經驗少.)
未有bb之前也經常出現磨擦, 核心是我認為他對我不夠好. 自從有了bb後, 情況似乎變得更差.
case1.
我叫他 ...

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LuckyGirl

男爵府

積分: 9654

15^#

發表於 10-4-21 22:59 |只看該作者

不值得....但問題你已經有咗佢嘅BB, 而家先問好似遲咗D lor, 我真係唔明點解"製造bb"之前唔想清楚

, 或者做番安全措施, 你而家都冇乜choice, 一係分手, 咁bb一出世就無老豆, 一係就繼續結婚, 但要忍耐case1,2,3, 希望bb出世佢會改變

小B係29/04出世,3.1kg07May ~ 3.33kg19May ~ 4.08kg04Jun ~ 5.05kg09Jul ~ 6.64kg, 61cm height, 39.5cm head10Sep ~ 8.16kg, 65.5cm height, 42.5cm head05Nov ~ 8.85kg, 70cm height, 44cm head06May ~ 10.24kg, 45.9cm head