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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


1#
發表於 04-8-12 23:21 |只看該作者

My story and my problem

My first date lasted for 7 years. Both of us studied in the same department (but in different years) of a local university. I met her in the O'camp. After my bachelor degree, I proceeded to master and then PhD. BY the time I finished my PhD degree, she has been working for several years. The life outside campus was too attractive to her (esp. she is quite pretty and thus had a lot of followers). Gradually our gap beame bigger and bigger. Eventually, we broke up a year after my PhD degree.

(actually, she fell in love with someone else during our cold war.. later on I realized that the last cold war was a setup.. For a ceratin period, she dated both me and the other guy .. then a cold war was intentionally created by her to breakup with me .. she did not want me to know the true reason ..)
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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


2#
發表於 04-8-12 23:42 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

I was hurted very badly. I told myself there is no true love in this world. Why should I be so serious? I wanted to change myself to a playboy. So I started several causal dates, purely for fun/sex. Partly because I wanted to prove (to myself as well as my first girlfriend) that I was popular and attractive to ladies..

I enjoyed, though not as much as I expected. This is because I felt bad for hurting others. For every new relationship, I always tried hard to let she know that I was a playboy.. But unfortunately a lady has invested her true love/feeling in me.. I feel so sorry for her, even today..
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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


3#
發表於 04-8-13 00:02 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

But I still could not forget my first girlfriend. In fact, when she knew I started to date others. She called me quite frequently as an "ordinary friend". She even told me broke up with her new boyfriend.

Well, I knew what she wanted. Though I could not forget her, neither could I forgive her. She hurted me too much..

Then one day, I met my current wife, at a dinner arranged by a friend of mine and his girlfriend (no longer now). The dinner was set up on my request for introducing me some beautiful girls. (Remember I considered myself a playboy at that time.) By the way, his girlfriend's job is known for beautiful girls (make a guess..)

I was not attracted to my wife (as a wife) at the first sight. I just wanted to have fun. After several dates, I felt she is different. Eventually, she changed my playboy attitude. We lived together. A year later, we got married.

I forgot all my ex-girlfriends, including the first one. This is the end of my bachelor life.

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jlam


伯爵府

積分: 18248

好媽媽勳章


4#
發表於 04-8-13 00:22 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

bygones are bygones! 祝你同太太生活愉快!

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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


5#
發表於 04-8-13 00:25 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Life after marriage is generally happy. In three years, we got two beautiful kids. (They are my everything.)

Problems started to surface as time goes by. She could not get along with my family (my parents are not in HK), esp. my sister (also not living together). She complains more and more seriously, about almost everything..

I found it more and more difficult to communicate with her. Sometimes I doubt if this is because of our culture difference? (I was not born in HK) Or, is it because of our educational difference (she just completed form 5). Or, maybe she has under too much "bad" influence from her family? By the way, her sister was "effectively" divorced.

Unlike other mumies, she does not put my kids at the first place. She even threatened me several times that she would do something bad to my kids, in order to hurt me.. Originally I thought she would not.. After witnessing many other things, I started to believe ..

For the sake of my kids, I do not want to divorce. She knows that. She pushed me very hard using divorce. I can not take her any longer. I am now actively considering divorce. The bottomline is to minimize the disturbance to my kids.

She wanted to bring two kids to her parents place, which is very dirty & small. She knew I did not want two kids to suffer. Then she asked me to leave our apartment as if I do not leave, she will.

For the sake of my kids, I decided to move out. My condition is that I can come back at any time to see my kids.

Now I am looking for a place ..

(Unavoidably, I started to miss my ex-girlfriends ..)
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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


6#
發表於 04-8-13 00:42 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

The show must go on. So is the life.

I really wish I could find a way to minimize the damage/impact to my two beautiful princesses. I really feel sorry to them..
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babygigi


大宅

積分: 1013


7#
發表於 04-8-13 07:04 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

well..do u want your children to have a mom like your wife? if not, why don't you fight for the children since you might have a better job then your wife, i believe.

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該用戶已被刪除

8#
發表於 04-8-13 07:48 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

提示: 作者被禁止或刪除 內容自動屏蔽
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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


9#
發表於 04-8-13 09:06 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Divorce is the last resort. Trust me that I won't make a decision without thinking about it twice. Right now, I believe divorce is unavoidable. I just want to postpone it as far as possible. I want my kids to grow up a little bit more. So it would be easier for them to face it.. So I am basically willing to accept any conditions set out by her, such as I need to move out, or she will leave..

Yes, I have a quite descent job. My wife does not need to work since we lived together. If I fight for my kids, I think I will win. But the problem is I know my kids need her (though I don't think she care them as much as I do). In fact, at this stage, her role to them is far more important than me. Note that I need to work and she does not.

Though I have a maid, I am not willing to leave my kids alone to a maid. If I get the kids, I need to find some alternative ways to take care of them. I need the help from someone I can really trust .. But my parents are not in HK.

It's a tough problem..
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cutebb


複式洋房

積分: 183


10#
發表於 04-8-13 10:01 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Are you sure that your wife has made up her mind to divorce? Most girls won't choose to give up a relationship (especially married with 2 daughters) unless it's really intolerable (from my point of view as someone's wife). Maybe your wife just wants to use "divorce" to force you to "change" something she doesn't like about you because she knows that you're reluctant to "divorce" for the sake of your two little princesses.

Did you guys seek consulting before making up the decision? Had better get someone to talk to if you haven't done it yet.

One more thing, whenever I'm mad at my husband, I can't control myself to be "angry" with my baby too, I know it's not right but I just can't help it. So, there are some kind of people in the world like this (I can't believe myself like that too, that's why I tell my husband to take the baby with him if he's leaving me), you should think about that seriously.

Good Luck :exclaim:
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BabyFung


洋房

積分: 58


11#
發表於 04-8-13 11:45 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Hope you don't mind, I just want share my view (woman's point of view) :

Have you ever think about the problem may also comes from you and not just from your wife?

You said your daughters are your everything but not include your wife. How come???

Your wife always complaint about your family? How about you? You've said your wife's family might give her "bad" influence to her. It seems you also not accept her family as well.

I think your family are richer and well-educated than your wife's. Have you look down on them (include your wife)?

Are you always thinking of your ex-girlfriend? Woman are sensitive. Your wife will know that.

Yes, children need mother love but also father. Are you going to free yourself to another love?

Discuss with your wife. Try to found out the reasons. Divorce is not the only choice. Good luck!
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winho


複式洋房

積分: 108


12#
發表於 04-8-13 12:05 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

I totally agree with BabyFung.
Sometimes men are too analytic and neglect the factor of "emotion". Have you ever come into your wife's heart to feel what she feel? Divorce is only the last way out and it won't guarantee the problem is over. Finally I do hope that you can include your wife be your princess as well as your daughters as she also needs your love, understanding and support.
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Sweetsoul


大宅

積分: 1207


13#
發表於 04-8-13 12:16 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Yeah. I share the views of cutebb and BabyFung.

Just don't do anything which you would regret in the future, amend your relationship with your wife before it's too late.....

Good luck!
   WWW-Wai Wai's World 影樓相-29/12/04 影樓相-30/05/05
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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


14#
發表於 04-8-13 14:34 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Thanks a lot for listening and providing constructive advice. I am a little bit surprised by some of your observations. In fact, most of them are to the point.

Yes, I always put my two daughters at the first place, which makes she unhappy (though she may do the same thing). But one thing for sure is that her position is always above mine. Whenever I did something, the order is like this: two daughters, wife, ..., then the last one is myself.

Yes, I also have many shortcomings. One thing she complained a lot is the so-called "big man". I always believe that I am correct. (Yes, I do think I am smart. :) I do share my happiness with her, but seldom the problems/difficulties I faced outside (she is not working). My excuse is "even if I tell her, she won't be able to help; besides, that may add extra pressure to her." Well, I could be wrong.

Yes, she does suggest several times to find external help, such as doctor (phychtrist?) or social worker. I rejected. As a man, I tend not to accept others' opinion. That is another problem of mine. (Having said that, I still believe there is no need for me to seek for external consultation.. I still believe the problem is at her, not me.. I guess I am just too sturbon..

Yes, I do not get along well with her family. I seldom meet them. But I will never complain about them, or say too much on their family issues. They may have the feel that I look down on them.. On the other hand, my family is not richer.. but they do work definitely ten times harder..

I know I have much to self-reflection.. I think I can manage it.. Thanks anyway
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babyjerry


男爵府

積分: 7328


15#
發表於 04-8-13 17:09 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Pegasus,

Happy to hear that you know your problems........hope you can slove it and have a happy ending.

Big man will deterioate a happy family. Little family man brings more happiness in a family.

Good luck.
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Jolly


子爵府

積分: 10239


16#
發表於 04-8-14 00:38 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

hi pegasus,
may i ask you does your wife really want to divorce with you? is the situation so worse that divorce is a must? do you love her still? does she loves you?
allow me to say that you are wrong to put her after your two princesses. although they're your everything, without your wife, they cannot come to this world. women sometimes so simple, but always jealous. just give her a kiss or hug everyday will soothe her a lot.
actually no psychiatrist needed. may go to a family therapist. (you are smart, you know where to find them.) of course, go if both of you want to minimize the damage/ impact to your children. it really helps.
I support autism acceptance!
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Pegasus


民房

積分: 20


17#
發表於 04-8-14 00:58 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Thanks a lot.

I understand what you mean. Yes, I do love her and I believe she does the same. My angry, depress and pressure have been released a lot after expressing my feeling here. The comments and advice from all of you are indeed very helpful. I must admit that I do not understand well how a woman thinks. I have been too "logical" and "analytical" (by the way, those are essential for my job). I should try to be more "emotional" from now on, try to understand more about her needs.

I just came back home. They all slept. I noticed that the dinner has been prepared for me (not the case for the last few days). On the coffee table, there is a my favorite bread. I am touched.. really ..

I do not plan to wake her up now.. (I have been sleeping in the guest room for the last few days..) I will bring her a bundle of flowers tomorrow .. to express my apology and my appreciation..

I will have a nice sleep tonight.. wish the same to all of you ..

good night..
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babygigi


大宅

積分: 1013


18#
發表於 04-8-14 03:19 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

how swt.. gd luck~!

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謙仔媽咪


子爵府

積分: 10142


19#
發表於 04-8-14 10:25 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Pegasus,

Very pleased to hear that you can make up your mind. I think your wife will be very touch when she received your flowers & apologize.

Please tell us about this good news.
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carolhui2000


洋房

積分: 544


20#
發表於 04-8-14 16:03 |只看該作者

Re: My story and my problem

Hi Pegasus,

Really glad to hear your good news! I can imagine how much you suffered as it is hard for a man to express emotion. As you said you are well-educated professional, that does not mean you need to be perfect in all aspect. If you think both you and your wife have a good heart to your family, seeking professional advice is an effective way to break the communication gap.

Waiting for your good news again.
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