少年成長

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BabyK


別墅

積分: 595


1#
發表於 04-6-22 22:27 |只看該作者

Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

My daughter really drives me crazy!! I have no idea how to teach her!! Sometimes I just feel I am not a good Mum and I should not have a child at the first place. I am very down just now coz she gave me tough time today.

My daughter is not two yet but she is already acting like "terrible two" already. Everytime when I eat out with her. Once she finishs eating then she wants to get down and walk around. I try to talk to her, said "Mummy hasn't finished yet, could you pls wait for Mummy?" she just screams so loud, and everyone will look at us. or sometimes she likes to stand up on the chair and touch everything. I tried to give her toys or colour pens for drawing but it only worked for the first time. I always see other table's children can sit down very quite and eat their food, But why not my daughter!! My Mum always said "You need to teach her" Actually I did and I tried and I don't know how and have no idea!!

Also, everytime when I take her to the playgroup, she cannot sit down quitely for 5 mins and wants to walk around or touch everything. I am always the only Mum who is very busy to stop my daughter. I know some of the Mums might think my daughter is very naughter. Coz the rest of the children all can sit down quitely and no one walk around, even they are older or younger than her.

She always screams when she could get what she wants, even I annoy her, just let her cry. But she can cry for ages and non-stop. and cry even louder!!

I really feel very tired and sick of taking her out. I really want to have patient on her but I start losing temper very quick recently coz she really gets on my nerves. At home when I change her nappy, she always need to get something and hold on it, it should be fine for me but she always takes ages to find what she wants to hold, you know sometimes she has done the "oo Poo" I just don't have the patient to wait for her to choose the toys. When she is naughty, I try not to hit her at the beginning but now even I hot her hands sometimes, she is not scared anymore and just annoy me.

Is my daughter okay or I need to take her to see a doctor or any Mum know who I can talk to, to seek help!! Coz I really have no idea what to do with her. I look after her myself and my husband is always not at home. I really need help!! :-( :-( :-(
私人傳訊

Rita


水晶宮

積分: 70042

2024年龍年勳章


2#
發表於 04-6-23 00:02 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Dear BabyK,

Just relax !!!

你都話個女未夠兩歲, 佢的行為正好表示佢用自己的方法去explore the world.

呢個年紀的幼兒係十分好奇的, 什麼都想知, 什麼都想觸摸。我們大人提供的玩具已經不能滿足佢了。屋企一切的傢俱電器遙控,一切一切實在比那些玩具好玩千萬倍 !

你自己湊囡囡嗎 ?? 有工人分擔家務嗎 ?? 盡量在安全的情況下同她一起去體驗, 彼此都會享受過程, 將獲益良多。

不要再打了, 會越打越兇, 你自己係唔會察覺的, 又會令囡囡以為你不愛她,於是又用她的方法跟你抗衡, 惡性循環, 不妙 !!

你囡囡其實係一個好smart, 好動的小孩, 不要以為坐定定,人講乜佢做果d先係乖孩子, [size=small]千萬千萬不要同其他小朋友比較, 這會令你同囡囡都好辛苦, 每個小孩都是獨一無二的。

要先接受自己的孩子, 才能在當中找出適當的方法去教導。
這是我部份的經歷, 共勉之。
從天空到大地, 心臟在持續著令人眩暈的擺動, 那是初戀
私人傳訊

justjust


大宅

積分: 4412


3#
發表於 04-6-23 14:40 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Babyk,

It is worth the time to re-read again and again Rita's sharing.

I can tell you my daughter is more or less the same as yours. My husband always complains that she doesn't like to eat and always goes around touching everything, running everywhere non-stop. I tell him not to focus on the negative side. Given a choice of a very quiet and shy kid who would cry at the sight of a stranger, who wouldn't do anything but sit at a corner to observe what the others are doing, and one like ours, I would prefer one like ours who is more active.

All the kids are different individuals and it does not do any good to compare one to another. We always complain about how naughty our kid is. But just hold on and think about it, if our kid is not healthy, how can he/she keep on screaming and running around? How about comparing ours to the ones inborn with deficiencies and need to be hospitalized all their lives? We should feel so lucky that our kids can scream and run, even at times inconvenient or embarassing to us.

Here are some methods I've tried:
Next time your daughter has finished her food but you have not, ask her to help feeding you. She may make some mess but many children like this. It can also help to train her fine motor skills. Or, interest her by explaining to her different things on the dining table, e.g. spoon, fork, plate, bowl, glass ... and ask her to name/point to them one by one.

If she wouldn't sit, offer snacks e.g. biscuits to whoever is sitting and she would have to sit before she gets hers.

Sometimes children also need to express their feelings and frustrations. When she's done with screaming, try to talk her out of her bad mood. If she insists, ask her to choose between behaving well or standing at a corner/by the door/ etc. all alone without toy. This always works with my girl.

To keep the child patient in waiting, we can sing songs together with her. Children always likes songs and this is easy to get their attention without any special equipment needed. Or, you can try this, let's see if you can stand still for 5 seconds and then count from 1 to 5. Gradually increase it to 10 or 20... You may offer her an award e.g. a sticker afterwards.

One last one, the fact that you are a full time mom will get you tired and less patient easily. Try to look for some full time/part time helper to share the household work. You will then have more time and patience for your girl.
私人傳訊

zimba


大宅

積分: 2174


4#
發表於 04-6-23 14:57 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

babyk,
your daughter is very strong-willed. Don't hit her, it is not useful. my son was like that, that was why I didn't join any playgroup with him (waste of time, cos he was not interested), and I didn't bring him out to restaruant, except buffet, cos there he ate slower than I. Everytime I had to eat faster than him, cos he would not wait.

1. Don't hit her, she will be even more worse
2. Don't join playgroup now
3. Don't bring her out for meals, unless you eat faster than her
4. Go out yourself without her once in a while, ask somebody to babysit for you.
5. Stand firm on your house rules.

And no need to worry that your daughter has no social skills, she is not interested NOW, better leave her at home. My son is 3.5 y.o. now, and he is much much better. They just need time.

I hope these help. If you like PM me.

私人傳訊

991129


水晶宮

積分: 54483

2018復活節勳章 hashtag影視迷勳章 好媽媽勳章 畀面勳章


5#
發表於 04-6-23 15:22 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Dear all moms,

After read your messages, I think my son is not the special case since he also has the same behaviours such as does not like walking, lacks of patience in playgroup and outside, likes screaming and crying, stubborn and so on. Therefore, it is rare for me to take him go outside because it is tired for us to control him. ?-( ?-( ?-( ?-( ?-( ?-(
私人傳訊

BabyK


別墅

積分: 595


6#
發表於 04-6-23 22:48 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Dear all Mums,

I am soo happy that there're some Mums here who can help me, listen to me and have similar case. And I am not the only one. Actually after sharing my feeling here, I felt a bit better when I go to sleep.

Sometimes I know I give myself too much pressure coz I want to do my best and be a good Mum. My daughter is my first child and I have no experience how to teach her. Most of my friends have no kids or their kids are younger than mine.

I was working b4, I just resigned recently. For me, handling the house work and looking after her is okay. coz now just me and my daughter at home. I don't always clean up the house, but as long as the house is clean and tide is okay. My husband is working out of the country just now and he won't come back at least after a few months. Sometimes I feel like I am a single Mum. My parents come to my house to help me out sometimes but they also have to work. I feel bad when they come on their days off coz I know they want to rest too.

I also thought of hiring a part time helper but honestly there's not much house work to do, and I don't want a helper to look after my daughter, for me, what really drives me crazy is, I feel I have no time for myself and I tried my best to teach my BB but she is not listening. The reason why I let my baby join the playgroup is, coz my husband is not in HK and I won't take her out myself and only playgroup give my BB a chance to social with other kids and not staying at home 7 days a week.

I know its not right to hit her and I will stop that. I just need to have more patient with her. And try to find a good way to teach her. ?-(

Is a strong-willed kid good or bad? are they all difficult to teach? How should I deal with them?
私人傳訊

zimba


大宅

積分: 2174


7#
發表於 04-6-23 23:54 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Hi BabyK,

You are really in a difficult situation and I do believe you have done very well. I didn't join the playgroups, cos they were too structured for my son, and he just wouldn't follow the rules. Therefore I just brought him to playgroud and children's playroom, where he could play with other children but needed not follow any program.

I like strong-willed kid, though I have to pay the price of more power struggles. e.g. My son takes 15min to wear his shoes (3.5years old), he wears one and then takes it off and repeat. I beat his bottom till my hands numb, no change. Finally, my friend advise me to ignore him and warn him that I would bring him out with or without shoes. Now he wears them in less than 2 minutes.

When my son was younger than 2.5 years old, I brought him out everyday, cos I could not stay at home all day. We went to parks, museums e.g. Railway museum, Science museum, and rode buses, ferries, trams. Anywhere which didn't need him to stay still and allowed him to run and touch.

I recommend a book to you, you can search for it in the public library: Your 1 year old child by Louise Bates AMES. In this book, the author had mentioned that children around 1y9m are very difficult. You may find some help there.

zimba
私人傳訊

Rita


水晶宮

積分: 70042

2024年龍年勳章


8#
發表於 04-6-24 00:44 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Dear BabyK,

你家附近有公園嗎 ? 可以安排近黃昏(冇咁熱)同女女去鬆一鬆, 整天困在家中, 囡囡的精力冇地方發洩。她玩累了便睡,你也可偷閑。睡醒, 因為運動過,肚餓仔, 又會吃多D。

你不出街,囡囡沒有其他事做, 你又抖不過氣, 給大家一個鬆口氣的機會, 都可以減減壓的。在公園, 可以就地取材, 教她植物名稱,顏色,形狀,叫女女觸摸, 聞下, 耳仔聽下, 對佢的發展好好的, 不過要做好防蚊措施, 帶備水,毛巾仔抹汗。

有supermarket 嗎 ?? 把女女放在購物車的幼兒坐位上(if any), 教她認識水果蔬菜餅乾...一切一切教材都在生活中,同囡囡講一切可以講的, 還可以偶然同她一起頑皮下,搗蛋一下,囡囡將發現你不單是她的好媽媽, 還是一個好玩伴哩 !!

在playgroup 的情況, 我仔都試過, 初時又令我十分難堪,尷尬, 次次唯有在free play時段,仔仔先叫做投入少少, 一到團隊時間又故態復萌。後來個導師開導我, 跟我談了很久, 令我明白小孩到底是什麼一回事, 然後我釋懷了。

好似其他媽媽所言, 不一定返playgroup才可學習social skill, 在公園, 市政局一些室內playground, 一樣可以。

我仔仔好細時我平日上下午都會同佢出一次街, 而家有時3次添。時遠時近, 公園, 超市,遊車河,遊船河。 有時去大型百貨公司做window shopping, 讓自己對眼睛望一D靚的 0野, 將focus暫時移開, 行完, 個人鬆完又有energy再忙過。

[size=medium]冇人天生識得做媽媽, 唯有邊做邊學, 你放棄工作來照顧BB, 都要時間適應,兼之以前日日返開工,家陣要困在屋企, 容許自己做得唔夠好,先至會冇咁大壓力

你係未驚自己一個同囡囡出街要帶好多野, 怕handle 唔到 ?? 唔駛怕架, 凡事都有1st 次, 初時去近D, 漸漸摸熟左就駕輕就熟啦。

Cheers
從天空到大地, 心臟在持續著令人眩暈的擺動, 那是初戀
私人傳訊

GiGiMum


男爵府

積分: 8786

環保接龍勳章 畀面勳章


9#
發表於 04-6-24 11:17 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone can help me?? I need help!!

Hi babyK,


haha........你個女同我個女一模一樣，仲勢利過孖生！

唔使upset，這是過渡期，長大d會有所改善，don't worry!

有d bb 的"troblue two"會在２歲前已出現，我女都係。都係時常大叫，不能出街吃飯，最多只可坐定30 mins，弄得我地筋疲力竭，唉！！！

最後由於我唔想女女成日對住奶奶，我20個月大便送她上bb班，上學後便有所改善了。

當然在家也需要管教，但bb很叻，她知道食硬你，可能是你太"淋"吧！一定要找一個惡人，最好是爸爸la，雙管齊下，軟硬兼施，慢慢會改善的。
私人傳訊


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