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發表於 20-6-27 07:10 |只看該作者 |倒序瀏覽 |打印

Hi, have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Do you feel lonely and helpless during recovery? Especially your partner is narcissistis, let’s share and support each other over here.
您好！有沒有朋友現正處於在一段關係上情緒勒索？在康復道路上是否感覺很孤單和無助？大家在這裏分享和互相支持

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858D

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發表於 20-6-27 10:49 |只看該作者

本帖最後由 858D 於 20-6-27 10:55 編輯

RecoveryRoad 發表於 20-6-27 07:10
Hi, have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Do you feel lonely and helpless during recovery? ...

My current husband and I both came from an former abusive relationship.
When he met me, he already aware of him being emotionally abused by his ex-wife and in his recovery process alone with 5 different anti-depression medications prescribed by his phycologist doctor.
I had not been aware of my ex-husband abusing me emotionally until last year. Gradually, I realized it. I am still crying now and then, and watch out for my depression not getting worst.

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown

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發表於 20-6-27 13:55 |只看該作者

858D 發表於 20-6-27 10:49
My current husband and I both came from an former abusive relationship.
When he met me, he already ...

I agree that most of toxic relationships are from trauma bond in childhood . At least now you aware and realise you had been abused. It is great to hear that you already left. recovery journey is not easy but I am sure you will know more about yourself and beautiful life is waiting for you.

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chupachups15

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4^#

發表於 20-6-27 19:15 |只看該作者

RecoveryRoad 發表於 20-6-27 07:10
Hi, have you ever been in an abusive relationship? Do you feel lonely and helpless during recovery? ...

本帖最後由 chupachups15 於 20-6-27 21:26 編輯

我受了前夫冷暴力無十年都八載，一直無向人透露，家人隱約覺得我受精神虐待，卻不敢問我，因為大家都知個波一掂就爆（即是他們救我無從，唯有離婚一途）

在婚姻第十三年，即五年前，我揭發前夫出軌兩年，我即刻安排分居

去年，我認識了現在的男朋友，在這段時間，每次與他談及前段婚姻，我都淚流披面。我發現自己其實更恨前夫當年精神虐待我，而更離奇的是，每當我提起前夫對我的冷暴力，我腦內會浮現20年前，在奧地利的一單新聞———一個獸父禁錮和強姦自己的親女長達廿多年，並跟她生了七個孩子。

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chupachups15

男爵府

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發表於 20-6-27 19:16 |只看該作者

chupachups15 發表於 20-6-27 19:15
本帖最後由 chupachups15 於 20-6-27 21:26 編輯

我受了前夫冷暴力無十年都八載，一直無向人透露，家人 ...

本帖最後由 chupachups15 於 20-6-27 21:30 編輯

這時，我才意識到自己有輕微創傷後遺症。我一直樂觀開朗積極，但一提及這段婚姻，就會忍不住流眼淚。幸好，經過一次又一次的揭開傷疤、重提舊事，我發現自己的淚水越來越少，相信我正經歷一次不大專業卻湊效的輔導。

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RAY媽

侯爵府

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母親節2025勳章 2025勳章蛇年勳章 2024年龍年勳章

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發表於 20-6-27 21:42 |只看該作者

chupachups15 發表於 20-6-27 19:15
本帖最後由 chupachups15 於 20-6-27 21:26 編輯

我受了前夫冷暴力無十年都八載，一直無向人透露，家人 ...

冷暴力係點樣的?對你的影響好可怕

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chupachups15

男爵府

積分: 8345

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發表於 20-6-27 22:10 |只看該作者

RAY媽發表於 20-6-27 21:42
冷暴力係點樣的?對你的影響好可怕

本帖最後由 chupachups15 於 20-6-27 22:35 編輯

其實當年我唔知自己正受冷暴力，係近一年我上網了解多咗。我上網找到這定義，我中咗好多：

「冷暴力」，大多指指家庭成員之間出現矛盾而又找不到調和的方式時，採用非暴力手段刺激對方並致使對方心靈受到嚴重傷害的行為，其表現形式多為冷淡、輕視、放任、疏遠和漠不關心，它們將語言交流降到最低限度，停止或敷衍性生活，致使對方在精神上和心理上受到侵犯和傷害，其實這就是一種精神虐待。

具體來講，在婚姻最後幾年，他不跟我談話，完全沒有身體接觸，五六年沒性行為。當我三番四次主動同佢傾我哋嘅問題，佢總話我小事化大，而且全部係我嘅錯，係我自私，唔體諒佢⋯⋯

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858D

積分: 37946

8^#

發表於 20-6-28 11:52 |只看該作者

chupachups15 發表於 20-6-27 22:10
本帖最後由 chupachups15 於 20-6-27 22:35 編輯

其實當年我唔知自己正受冷暴力，係近一年我上網了解多 ...

我前夫在我們結婚第一年還未過完就指控我自私。
在他觀點與角度裏看，甚麼都要看我有那些地方做得不夠好，需要改進，對於他做的所有失敗之事就都是外在因素導致，他不需要改。他投訴我的娘家把我嬌生慣養。我以後近30年來的生命證實給我自己看我真的能刻苦耐勞，從來沒有抱怨半句亦不去問理由，默默耕耘，頑強奮鬥。
他長期吊兒郎當，沒有收入，連我都養不起，我還要把大學讀完，怎生兒育女來養？我提議如此經濟條件，我不想生，佢就生氣說早知我不想生，他就不會和我結婚。那是第一次聽他說後悔跟我結婚，後來的日子多次說我們不應該結婚。結果，孩子是我養的，他也是我養的，他媽與我父母也是我養的。
晚上街道無人又沒有街燈，在外國，他正開車送我從大學回家，不記得我特然回了他一句甚麼話，他怒氣命令我馬上下車。在他媽媽面前，我們女兒面前喝我住嘴，當商場當眾發怒對我。我在他、、、、等等、、、
如果我不是生長在一個當我公主搬來寵愛的原生家庭，我可能不以他那樣對我為然。偏偏我不是能受這種對待的人，所以變成對我的精神，情緒虐待。
自從有現任先生不斷的從每天生活中證實給我看，我才知道我這下半生還有幸受到如此高等素質妻子位份待遇。
從前常見聞做別人有好老公，如今我親身體會到。

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown

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858D

積分: 37946

9^#

發表於 20-6-28 12:20 |只看該作者

RecoveryRoad 發表於 20-6-27 13:55
I agree that most of toxic relationships are from trauma bond in childhood . At least now you awar ...

Thank you for start up this topic.
Let us stay strong and healthy mind and stay positive.
My current husband （我先生）shared with me that (generally speech) "you" often select a spouse who treat "you" in a way that is familiar to "you", but doesn't mean he/she is healthy or good for "you".
His sharing is agreeing with your statement of "toxic relationships are from trauma bond in childhood". For example, statistic data shows that often people came from an child abuse parent end up marry an abuse spouse. Ironically, my ex-husband came from an abusive farther. Might be he have been thinking I was the one who abuse him in our relationship.

In that point of view, I guessed I could have been naturally abuse him with my Aspergers syndrome. But how come I am the one end up emotional or mental breakdown, so forth cause my physical breakdown and lost ability to work for money.

Anyway, may I ask how long have you been in your recovery journey?

My current husband have been showing progress of recovering ever since he met me. In our first five years together, he successfully cut down his medication to zero pill. He keep giving me feedback that I am good for him.

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown

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積分: 26

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發表於 20-6-29 22:18 |只看該作者

858D 發表於 20-6-28 12:20
Thank you for start up this topic.
Let us stay strong and healthy mind and stay positive.
My curre ...

My husband has narcissistic personality disorder, i broke up with him in May 2020, now still recovering, I really goosebumps when I recall those memories with him. The feelings still up and down. I very know and feel it won’t everything alright in a short period of time aftermaths, I always talk to myself fortunately I escaped. However, I sometimes feel lonely during recovery because nobody understands you unless you have this experience or you know how it can destroy your self esteem. So wanna raise out this topic to support each other and I hope more ppl acknowledge this subtle abusive.

Your husband is lucky to have your support

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858D

積分: 37946

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發表於 20-6-30 05:47 |只看該作者

本帖最後由 858D 於 20-6-30 05:48 編輯

RecoveryRoad 發表於 20-6-29 22:18
My husband has narcissistic personality disorder, i broke up with him in May 2020, now still recove ...

Dear, you have my support here.
Since you mentioned it, I have done a little bit internet search on this term "narcissistic personality disorder":
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/conditions/narcissistic-personality-disorder
"...A sense of entitlement, disregard for other people, and other aspects of NPD can damage relationships. While a person with NPD may be a high-achiever, the personality disorder can also have a negative impact on performance (due to, for instance, one's sensitivity to criticism) ...Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging because people with this condition present with a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities.... "

My feedback: Good for you to get out of this relationship.

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

"...But popping up their delusion of grandeur takes a lot of work - and that is where the dysfunctional attitudes and behaviors come in. ... Narcissists also believe that they're better than everyone else and expect recognition as such -- even when they've done nothing to earn it. They will often exaggerate or outright like about their achievements and talents. ..."

My feedback: This description reminds me of my own oldest brother. This is the way I see him treats his wife. Because I do not live with him after elementary school, lucky me, I am strong enough to not let him negatively influence on my adulthood. I told his wife that I will always support her to look for another man who can treat her properly and is good for her.

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown

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858D

積分: 37946

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發表於 20-6-30 08:05 |只看該作者

回覆 RecoveryRoad 的帖子

My suspected NPD brother, he says, "it is a stupid idea". Not because the idea is stupid, because he can not do it.
My poor sister in law, she lives with my brother and deal with his NPD everyday.

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown

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發表於 20-6-30 21:49 |只看該作者

858D 發表於 20-6-30 05:47
Dear, you have my support here.
Since you mentioned it, I have done a little bit internet search o ...

Today when talked to therapist, my tears dropped and dropped, she aware my trauma bond what I suffered not mainly in this relationship but my family. I really shocked after realising that because I so get used living in this family dynamics of course it is unhealthy

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858D

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發表於 20-6-30 23:58 |只看該作者

RecoveryRoad 發表於 20-6-30 21:49
Today when talked to therapist, my tears dropped and dropped, she aware my trauma bond what I suffe ...

It is a good starting point for your recovery journey.
Such as, you begin to identify the narcissist in your life, first your (ex-)husband, then your family. "It is important to see the narcissist in your life for who they really are, not who you want them to be. Stop making excuses for bad behavior or minimizing the hurt it's causing you. Denial will not make it go away. The reality is that narcissists are very resistant to change, so the true question you must ask yourself is whether you can live like this indefinitely. Instead of losing yourself in the narcissist's delusions, focus on the things you want for yourself. What do you want to change in your life? What gifts would you like to develop? What fantasies do you need to give up in order to create a more fulfilling reality?"

quote from these 2 paragraphs: "Take Off the rose-colored glasses" and "Focus on your own dreams" in the following article:

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder.htm

Your therapist might already helping you in the similar information as this helpguid.org listed. As for me, I don't have the money to spend on therapist. Thank you for sharing your experience and recovery journey. This trigger me to look into my own life, reviewing my trauma bound what I suffered from my ex-husband's over 25 years relationship and my family member, now I suspected as an NPD oldest brother. My farther left us in my primary school years. My mom let my oldest brother take control of me.
I met my ex-husband when I was so young, only 20 years old. Lacking of people interviewing skill, and healthy role model mostly my oldest brother. I believed my ex-husband's unrealistic dream of marriage life for 25 years.

Do you have children?

Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own ~ H. Jackson Brown

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858D