往績:
1. 接收能力有問題,叫佢喺store room攞風扇出嚟,佢就好疑惑咁攞個鑊出嚟,我話係fan唔係pan,我指住個鑊話:This is a pan. Spell P.A.N. I need a fan, spell F.A.N! 佢竟然仍然指住隻鑊話:Yes, F.A.N. fan! ⋯⋯痴筋!佢真係有障礙!卒之,我攞本英文字典比佢叫佢查下what is fan 再同我講。仲慘過教BB學行!(Profile好似好好,大學英文系畢業,D英文嚇得死人!)
2. 佢冲咖啡比我,我發現咖啡無甜味,問她有沒有加糖,她說沒有,她説因為我老公那杯不用加,所以佢無加。但以前我每天飲的咖啡每次也加。我問她這是否make sense,從來我的也加糖,今天沒有加,原因我老公的不加,所以我的就不需要加?什麼logic來?
3. 佢關了廚房門煎Pancake,我聞到成屋𤓓味,我入廚房,佢就答我佢煎緊Pancake,我話成屋𤓓味佢喺廚房入面佢點解聞唔到,佢返轉塊煎緊嘅Pancake,原來燶咗。
4. 叫佢出街買魚整魚湯米粉(買返嚟係我整唔係佢整!),佢臨出門口說雪櫃的菜足夠整菜飯。我對她説我不明白她想説什麼,我沒有叫她整菜飯,她拍一拍額頭好似如夢初醒咁說:Oh!is rice noodle!not vegetable rice!這不是第一次我有我叫她做一件事,她有她"想"做的另一件事。原因不明。經常問一啲唔知佢想表達啲乜嘅問題!
5. 叫佢pan fry魚柳,她把魚柳放焗爐內焗,我入廚房見她焗魚柳以為她聽錯,就跟她說我是叫她pan fry的,她指著焗爐説:yes!pan fry。我repeat:Pan fry! Look!What are you pointing at? 她仍指著焗爐説:Yes! pan fry! ..........pan.....fry........oh!.....no......should ......pan fry! 然後,又拍額頭很後悔很苦惱咁:Oh! Pan fry! 然後想拿半熟嘅魚柳出來用Pan fry ,好彩及時制止,否則,成塊魚柳散曬!又一次不自覺咁做咗另一樣嘢。我到依家都唔明佢有乜障礙!我已經次次比完instruction,驚佢又搞到一鑊泡,都要佢重覆一次,佢個口重覆,但個腦同手做咗另一樣嘢!
6. 話比我知個雪櫃櫃桶比冰封實,我同佢講因為佢無關好雪櫃門,所以溶雪,雪水又因雪櫃溫度再次冰封,所以痴住咗。叫佢搵熱水濕布抹至冰溶,但動作要快,否則,雪櫃櫃桶裏的東西會溶掉。卒之,佢無舖地布嘅情況下,整到廚房一地水,佢抹乾個地,我入廚房幾乎跣死我,原來佢只抹見光位!
7. 仔在廁所,儍賓敲廁所門,仔立即解決完走出嚟,我就問儍賓係唔係好urgent要入廁所。佢話唔係,係想入廁所攞嘢!咁我話廁所有人你唔可以一陣先攞咩?佢答我諗住廁所無人!我話咁你諗住廁所無人你又敲門?
8. 復活節假期,晨咁早6點鐘比個死白痴除拖鞋聲、去廁所關門聲嘈醒!
我屋企千幾呎,佢工人房喺廚房裏面,主人房喺另一個方向,次次離開廚房就除佢對爛鬼人字拖,除都唔緊要,廚房係雲石地,佢除拖鞋都到霹霹拍拍好大聲,每次佢進出廚房我喺主人房都知道。去廁所關廁所門又"鵬"一聲。我走出去同佢講我比佢嘈醒,佢個樣仲好無辜咁,好似話比你知:乜有聲咩?我同佢講"鵬"一聲喎,咁樣都aware唔到?佢就答我:because of wind! 次次話佢,佢就賴D死物!話佢咁大力推凳,佢又答:because of the chair!
我話張凳自己行咩?你隻手唔推佢點郁呀?咁隻手係邊個㗎?你吖嘛!咁隻手點解會郁呀?你郁吖嘛?!
9. 叫她每晚飯後切一隻橙比我老公,我同老公去旅行,我媽到我家住,我媽説工人每晚飯後也如常切一隻橙放廳中間。
10. 老公遲回家吃飯,叫工人set table for Sir's dinner,她拿一雙筷子,一隻單筷子放左,一隻單筷子放右,就如放西餐刀义位置。又魂不附體。
11. 仍然經常問stupid questions,問一些無意識嘅問題,問嘅問題已經多次令我發火,初時仍然耐性答佢,但現在問到火到嚟。譬如,打電話叫佢出去邊度等我,佢就問我"So,I change?"我問佢"你可以唔change甚至可以唔著㗎!"佢就又儍笑。又或者叫佢幾多點響樓下地鐵站等我,佢就問"when do i go out?"我問佢你第一次落樓下咩,然後重申一次幾多點樓下等。攞seasoning box無曬糖,比包新嘅糖佢,佢就指住個seasoning box問"put it inside?"我好嬲咁答"又問?你話呢?"每日都有3、5、7次呢D問題!
12. 男女僱主在房沒有關門,佢走入房掛衫,我兩公婆眼光光望住佢,佢話"I hang cloth!"然後自顧自掛衫,一啲都唔覺尷尬!以為佢會醒,下一次敲下門先,過幾日案件重演,原來佢唔覺得有問題!叫咗佢返Agent度等Agent教!
13. 我在套廁內(沒有關門)照鏡整理頭髮執樣,她站在門外望住我執樣⋯⋯我望一下佢表示"你想做乜?"佢又望返我笑,但又唔知佢想做乜?我快快趣趣搞掂行出廁所,原來佢只係放返個垃圾桶入去!頂!一陣先放都唔得?企晌度門口等,仲要望住我照鏡!乜事呢?呢D manner點教呢?
14. 我戴住個耳筒合埋眼喺廳聽歌,感覺有人企響我身邊,睜開眼,係佢,好似幽靈咁問我"mom,話聲你知前兩日你叫我搵果D嘢搵唔到!"頂!又係咁,唔可以遲D講嘅?佢問嘢好隨意,隨時隨地隨心就去問!
15. 見佢乜都唔識又stupid,weekend帶佢去我妹屋企睇下人地果D工人點做嘢,點知去到人地屋企,招呼又唔識打,hello又無句,剩係識儍笑,一碌葛咁企響度,叫佢就做,又唔問有乜嘢幫手!去完返屋企同我講,果個工人好smart,我心諗smart乜鬼吖?係佢蠢姐!淨係識話人smart,又一碌葛企響度唔學!
16. 煑飯唔記得㩒飯煲,無得開飯,問佢點解,佢就指著個電飯煲話"because of the cooker "
17. 經常要沖朱古力沖飲品比仔做早餐,有一日杯飲品無味,問佢點解無味,佢就攞盒朱古力粉出黎話"because of this chocolate powder!"已經經常問非所答,我好嬲,叫佢倒去隻杯度自己飲一啖,然後又傻笑話"Oh!no sugar!"我同佢講you always shift your own responsibilities to others even it is non living thing, the chocolate powder or the sugar can jump to the cup itself? the cooker can turn on itself?All control and operate by you, if you always shift the responsibilities to others, if you dont think this is your mistake, you wont change yourself, it will happen again and again!
18. 經常打爛嘢!乜都可以整爛!嚟咗之前連熨斗都壞埋(因為整濕插頭要換過個熨斗!)!洗衣機又壞,$800搵人上門整話佢㩒錯掣搞到個摩打overload!
19. 唔願/唔肯/無能力學新嘢!尤其唔願意睇電器direction,cook book instruction,次次比個recipe佢,個樣就好苦惱,又話睇字多眼花兼頭暈,要親手做一次先得!
叫佢chop the onion,佢逐粒逐粒切。
叫佢切雞翼,佢"剧"雞翼。
最經典有一次煲糖水,粒冰糖太大,叫佢break it into half,跟住我出咗廚房,見半個鐘佢都未出嚟話整好,咪入廚房睇下囉!佢用把刀"剧"緊粒冰糖。半個鐘"剧"咗三分之一!!!
我煑好啲義粉叫佢"畢"落個飯壼度。佢就用個鑊剷剷落個飯壼度!
佢掃地見佢攞住把掃把仲火起呀!佢單手攞掃把掃地㗎!唉!我都無眼睇,連掃地都要教!
剛剛又有笑話呀!煑麺食,不過我打算煑沙嗲放麺面,於是我同佢講:"you boil water first, I will cook it by myself."當時,我仔在廳聽到我同佢嘅對話,佢入廚房飲水,見到儍婆用個煲煑緊麵,好奇怪走出嚟同我講佢唔知做乜煑緊麵。我入廚房同佢講我話我自己煑,你做乜又煑?佢答我話:你話你自己煑,你無話你個仔同女果啲係你煑嘛?!(我夠無叫你煑啦!儍婆!)
佢真係痴綫兼無腦,有乜嘢情況之下我要三個人嘅麺分開煑?我又做乜叫佢boil water first呢?頂!真係人都顛!最後搞到我要即刻煑沙嗲,煑得嚟d麺又冧曬(p.s.我入去時佢係將兩個麵放喺d凍水度煑緊!死未!)
呢位極品喺我屋企,係我呢十幾年出門最唔放心嘅一次。
前幾日去旅行,臨出門口,要重覆幾次:
"DON'T DO XXXXX.........."
連我老公(一向對工人婦人之仁)都同佢(打埋手勢,好似超人咁)同佢講:
"DON'T OPEN DOOR TO ANYBODY!"
我又同佢講:
"Other than feeding, DON'T DON'T DON'T touch the fish and turtle tank!"(因為我農曆新年出門,佢整死曬我缸魚!)
最好佢坐喺屋企,乜都唔好掂,唔好做!
點知剛剛返屋企,我發覺魚缸同龜缸水位唔同咗!一問之下,佢又懶聰明搞我個魚缸同龜缸!我真想知喺佢心目中我點解要講"DON'T DON'T DON'T touch the fish and turtle tank!",佢又點理解呢句句子呢!