夫婦情感

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caly


別墅

積分: 761


1#
發表於 05-8-21 18:18 |只看該作者

Please! I need courage and support

Dear All,

last year17/4/04 , I posted a topic here -- Stay or separate as below. My husband and I have different points of view about life and almost everything. I was planning to leave him at that moment.

http://www.baby-kingdom.com/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=137295&forum=13&10

we then went for a trip in summer and finally, despite the argument, my husband begged me to stay and forgive him and I chose to stay with him.

but now, the problem seemed to be more serious, last year, he worked from 9 to 9 pm. Now, he worked from 9:00am to 11 am. and the job requires him to work in China 2 to 4 times a week. When he goes to China, he says he needs to go out for beer with his best friends (whom I know) And he will come home at 3:00 to 4:00am.
He runs his own company and he has to work very late. Now, since July, he works 7 days a week. I complain and I say I hope he can contribute more to the family -- But he says he couldn't. He complains that why I cannot be considerate. Sometimes I really want attention from him but he can't give much. His daughter may only see him for short time once in a while. We still have different opinions towards life. I wonder if he had a woman in China and he said no (I trust him coz he is always very tired after work and he could fall asleep in a second.
The problem is I can't feel the love. I am always alone at home with my daughter. Of cause I will take her out for fun but only Two of us. If I wan to have time with him, I got to go to his office or follow him to China.

I always cry
:-( :-( at night especially when I am waiting for him at 2:00am. I think I love him but I can't get much from him. What can I do? :-(
I said why don't we separate and he said it's up to me. It hurts me. :-( I don't know why I am still staying with him. I think I got to leave him because I can't never get what I want from a marriage. He will not even hold my hands when we go out. ...
I talked to him about the problem and I said I hope he can spend more time with the family. But he said it's impossible because he has to work.

If you were me, would you stay or leave?
caly
私人傳訊

Jessy


珍珠宮

積分: 44843

2025勳章 2025勳章蛇年勳章 2024年龍年勳章


2#
發表於 05-8-21 19:14 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

Caly, 其實如果你老公為公事要在china做野, 放工後去relax一下都唔係好過份, 我諗佢一個人響咁遠地方都好孤獨&好悶的, 不過你向佢講seperate, 佢都可以話隨得你, 比我聽到會心淡羅.

我諗如果我心淡到某一個程度時, 可能真會選擇放棄, 不過每個人的忍耐度和接受度也不同, 相信我跟你的也不一樣吧.

好好想清楚吧~~你仲有個女~~
希望每天開心渡過 ;-)
私人傳訊

parker


別墅

積分: 551


3#
發表於 05-8-21 19:41 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

我去睇番你之前個TOPIC, 其實你地既問題唔係淨係佢工作時間長同長期分開, 仲有你講既佢同你性格, 睇法,教育背景...都唔同, 呢樣都唔緊要, 最重要既係你要既野(關心愛護)佢俾唔到你(佢角度工作然後養家已經係關心). 長此落去, 你地唔會有幸福(因為佢唔會為你改變, 一係你自己認命). 就算你上大陸同佢一齊, 佢日日做咁多個鐘, 之後仲要去HAPPY HOUR, 你只會同佢瞓覺果下"見"到佢. 所以我覺得你地既婚姻真係唔WORK, 係有名無實. 至於點做你自己決定.
私人傳訊

2005CAT


民房

積分: 70


4#
發表於 05-8-21 20:37 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

"I wonder if he had a woman in China and he said no ....."

how can u be 100% sure that he doesn't have another woman? He said No then is really no?

are there many men in this world would really easily admit that they have another woman outside?
All of them would say NO !
until at the end, they can't hide anymore,
then admit it finally.

Freddie Ljungberg :-D :-D :-D
私人傳訊

caly


別墅

積分: 761


5#
發表於 05-8-21 21:06 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

He just called me and tell me that he needed to go to China tonight. He said he won't be very late (I guess he will be back at 2:00 am) and tried not to get drunk.

Actually I want to give up this relationship because
I'm a woman who wants attention. But he is not going to give me much. Instead he said he will be more and more busy and he is not sure when he will 學壞. He said he does not like the dirty chick and he is too tired to look for any woman. And he will not pay for sex.

One of my friends, who knows all about us, think that I should leave him because my husband does not really care about us. He just works. Actually, even he works more time now, he does not really give more money to the family. I'm a working woman too. I spend most my time at home. I seldom go out with my friends now. I seldom ask him for more money. But I'm worried that he will spend money on other ways. You know how much he drinks? 4 dozen cans of beer for 2 to 3 people per night. And he is a smoker. I ask him if he could quit smoking because many researches show the bad effects of smoking. I say if he care about the family, he should take good care of his health. And he said he repects us and he does not smoke at home. And he thinks I should not stop him.

I know all the bad things but I just don't have the courage too leave...

:-(
caly
私人傳訊

YY1101


珍珠宮

積分: 49130

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6#
發表於 05-8-21 21:59 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

i'm very understand how u feel but i think we can not give u any suggestion actually. If u still love him u can tolerate all the things, how he takes care u and yours children just only u know, if u think u leave him u will become happy,just do it! Life is short,be happy and take care your children!
私人傳訊

parker


別墅

積分: 551


7#
發表於 05-8-21 22:49 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

你個TOPIC話想要COURAGE & SUPPORT, 係邊方面既SUPPORT? 你講到段婚姻咁一無是處, 你又有工作, 但又冇膽走, 咁你想點呢?
私人傳訊

caly


別墅

積分: 761


8#
發表於 05-8-21 23:30 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

其實這幾天我跟我老公談了很久, 說要more time and more sharing, 我想我還愛佢, 一方面很想佢可以陪我同個女多些, 一方面知道佢不會改, 心裡很矛盾, 很想佢說很需要我, 但佢竟說 up to you ... :cry: :cry:

但佢話佢不過是工作吧, 點解我會有埋怨, 叫我好好反省如何做人老婆, 我不知是否是自己錯,是否自己push 佢 push 得太利害, And I feel guilty and I think maybe it's my fault... And so I don't know whether I should leave him or just wait and see...

caly
私人傳訊

3號仔


民房

積分: 9


9#
發表於 05-8-21 23:53 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

Caly,
夫妻之間的問題,不會是單一方的錯與對, 我粗略看了你的內容, 有感你的先生將夫妻的問題變成只是你一人的問題, 做decision就叫你一人去做, 所謂up to u, 是將2人之間問題,卸給你一人.
快找合適的人士去幫手,不用不開心, 亦不用在此階段做分開或一起的決定.
私人傳訊

rosayiu


別墅

積分: 600


10#
發表於 05-8-22 00:07 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

如果我係你我就帶埋個女上大陸同佢一齊生活,大陸生活水平同香港一相伯仲,但生活費用便宜很多,兩公婆見面多左,感情自然好,佢一個人係大陸,放工後冇人陪又悶,自然同朋友去飲酒減壓,但如果你同佢一齊生活咁又唔同,佢唔再寂寞!
人海汒汒,能夠相識相愛至組織家庭,係好難得既緣份,唔好輕易放棄
加油!
私人傳訊

好想哭


複式洋房

積分: 116


11#
發表於 05-8-22 09:30 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

我曾經有你的情況, 你試試自己冷靜分析維持婚姻和分開的對好與壞,包括自己,老公,家人,看看自己的能力/偏好, 再向正面想解決方法....
因為不是每個男人能全面兼顧家庭,所以女人把家庭放在第一位是應該的,他為了事業是為成就和家庭, 女人有時要做個體諒的妻子是十分重要, 他少理你你就要多主動多親近避免"law saw" ....他覺得你好好對佢多多少少有些內疚大家關係自然改善 :lol:
私人傳訊

parker


別墅

積分: 551


12#
發表於 05-8-22 10:07 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

你講左最重要一點, 就係你仍然愛佢. 既然係咁, 你應該朝住"解決問題"方向去搵答案, 而唔係放棄. 如果你就咁放棄, 你一定會後悔. 你不如自己諗幾個可行方案, 或者搵輔導傾下, 好過你自己鑽牛角尖.
私人傳訊

亦風


洋房

積分: 159


13#
發表於 05-8-22 10:24 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

如果你對他仍有愛意，未有決心分開，就不要常提離婚的事，他對你的分手提議有心理準備，礙於面子，當然說隨得你，可能他喑地裡也亦很傷心都未定。

他這種性格有一好處是，不會容易結交新歡。

如果是我，他一有第三者我就會立即離開。

現階段可一邊觀察，一邊試行沒有他的生活，即當自己已跟他分離，看能否適應，看有無想念他。
私人傳訊

BH


大宅

積分: 2617


14#
發表於 05-8-22 10:28 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

Feel so sad about yr case.

My husband hv the similar situation as ur's now, (almost 9:00 am - 12:00 night everyday, and back to china one-two times per week), but the worse thing is now he is just an employee, not a owner of his own business.

But u must know that now doing business is facing a very difficult period these years, where we hv to face different threats fm overseas buyers, so pressure is bigger and bigger recently. Also the mode of "China related operation" are almost the same, one hv to drink + smoke to get involved the peer group (thank god my HB still don't hv these 2 bad things yet, hope he will keep on..) , otherwise u can be an outsider, so can't control the supplier.

If u think it is possible to work with him together in his company, may be this is a way u can hv more time with him, and share the difficulties he is facing. (at least u might hv a chance to know if he is doing something wrong outside with other women)

But if he never consider yr feeling / family, that is a very big problem, "temp seperate" may be a good way so u can pull youself up together again.

The most important is if u can find some professional help now, go for it first without further delay. Try the very last way before making any painful decision.

Hope the best for u and yr family.

大頭BB小小窩 - bb 出世前後 的 各項準備及 成長有用資料 :-D My blog
私人傳訊

caly


別墅

積分: 761


15#
發表於 05-8-23 10:46 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

Dear all,

Thank you very much. each of you has reminded me some important in the marriage.

I think I love him and that's why I need love. care and attention from him.

yesterday I talked to my colleague. She is about 50 years old. And she told me that a lot of fathers just concentrate on their work and won't spend much time on taking care of the family. And she told me a lot of our colleagues are of the same. She asked me if I hate my husband --> I said no.

she said my traditional husband has tried to be nice to me but I may have pushed him too much. so my husband chooses to come home late and avoid talking to me to prevent argument. <-- that's true I think.

I think I will wait and see. Maybe when I start work after the holiday, eveything will become better because I will be busy again.

Again thanks all for your support.



:-P
caly
私人傳訊

ringoivy


翡翠宮

積分: 76971


16#
發表於 05-8-23 11:09 |只看該作者

Re: Please! I need courage and support

其實你真係要諗真d, 若果你老公唔係有外遇的話, 真係只為賺錢養你地, 反而成日聽到你話要多d愛或離婚字眼, 企在佢方真係心都淡, 不得不說悔氣話 upto you!

但站在女人立場好同情你既實況, 好想得到老公痛愛, 但可惜你要知道你兩經常相隔異地好難會有咁既機會, 即使我同老公日見夜見都無呢個機會唔通我又成日投訴咩? 我只不過想你知道男人永遠都係唔細心既動物黎因為佢已經完全佔有你了, 無須要為此花精神, 相反佢地只會花精神在其事業上希望能創佳積令你及子女有個美好將來, 不如你朝著呢個方向諗可能你會好過d.

我會建議你周未上大陸家庭日好過留港等佢回來啦
私人傳訊


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