泰莉,
i can share with you. My dad was gone last Sept, and it is in "dao " 教 .. my brothers wore 披麻帶孝, but only myself and my hubby wore black (christian styles). then we can tell the " tong kwun" that you are christians, then he knows what you should do.
you should only 默禱 when they do some 佛教宜式.
but before going this, you should tell your family members that what you won't do, and that you will do to avoid agruement.