夫婦情感 今日: 7 | 主題: 42761

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2024年龍年勳章

1^#

發表於 09-1-20 13:59 |只看該作者 |倒序瀏覽 |打印

First of all, i apologize I can't type Chinese.

I'm very depressed! I've married more than 10 years and I've got two young children. For the last couple years, my relationship with my husband was the worse ever. We are arguing everyday, no matter how simple conversation will turn into an argument. He always pretending he is a nice and gentle guy in front of friends / other people. When we are at home he will either ignore me by watching TV or holding his laptop all the time (I really mean ALL the time). He will emailing, 'Facebook' or MSN with his female friends. when I complain he didn't give any time for us or our children, he will claim he is working too busy with his work. He told me he made up his mind, he doesn't love me anymore, he doesn't want to be with me for the rest of his life, it's the best for the children if we divorce, he always threat me by telling me he will hire the best lawer to crash me, he will spend every penny on the lawyer rather than give me any money.

How can a man so in love with me 15 years ago, and now I became the most hated person in his life. I have no friend to talk to, I have no family to support me, I have no parent, no brother or sister. I've been to social worker whose not very helpful. I've been to psychiatrist and it didn't work. Now I am seeing Counselor whose keep telling me I need to prepare the worse happen. I love my children very much I don't want to give them a broken family particulally I came from one. I did think of end my life so many times. But i was worrying my children, they are the only reason keep me!

I really don't know what to do?!

0 0 0

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ume

公爵府

積分: 29804

2^#

發表於 09-1-20 14:12 |只看該作者

樓主，好唔開心聽到你的遭遇，但這個時候你自己一定要振作。每對相愛的人都希望能組織自己的家庭生兒育女，然後雙雙走人生的每一步，但事實好多時都會事與願違，當中所涉及的原因可以有很多很多，事到如今誰對誰錯其實巳經好難分辨。能給予小朋友們一個溫暖又完整的家當然理想，但樓主你提到你和先生經常為不論大小的事而吵，其實這個表面完整但內裡巳經有問題的家是否仍然適合小朋友呢？事而至此，分開也不是壞事的，你要振作，過去的種種由它過去吧，堅強面對前路一樣可以給予小朋友幸褔的！加油！

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FennieMan

珍珠宮

積分: 37693

減齡達人勳章

3^#

發表於 09-1-20 14:28 |只看該作者

First of all, you have to think about your financial status, is it ok if you left your husband and look after your kids by yourself?
Are you full mom or working mom? If you are full time mom, is it possible for you to find a job/part time job? Once you back to the market, you will have more friends and someone to talk and share.
One of my friend, really like your suitation, she is a full time mom, she found some courses to study, like a makeup course, wine tasting course..... Now, she do a free-lance make up business and try to set up a business to selling wine as well. Once everything is settle down for her, she will leave her husband.
If your husband already said that he not love you anymore, then you need to thinking your own way out.

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beho

積分: 2348

4^#

發表於 09-1-20 14:36 |只看該作者

Yes, I totally agreed with ume.
Even you don't want your children to live as a "single parents family", however now... the relationship between you and your husband have become soooooo worse. I guess, divorce could be the best solution for a better future of your children and you. And yes, your children seems like living in a completed family relationship, but actually... they are not. Their father dislike their mother. Don't you think it is also unfair for the children by making them to live with a father who likes to threat their mother? Don't you think that your children cannot feel the hate between you two? Are you still willing to let your children to live under a "hate" atmosphere...

Maybe you afraid that your children will lost their dad after you divorce with them... but even they do, they will just lost the dad who full of anger and hate... once you two divorce, it might able to bring some positive energy to this family.....

Anyway, please brace up and look forward to the bright side.

私人傳訊

積分: 15148

2024年龍年勳章

5^#

發表於 09-1-20 14:49 |只看該作者

原帖由 AndyM 於 09-1-20 13:59 發表
First of all, i apologize I can't type Chinese.

I'm very depressed! I've married more than 10 years and I've got two young children. For the last couple years, my relationship with my husband was th ...

Thank you so much for your responses. As I'm a new member to BK, I still didn't really know how it works.

I used to be a full time mum until a year ago. But I don't think with my own income can be afford for my children and myself. Actually our whole family were moved back from oversea a few years ago. My husband is a professional. I can say we have quite comfortable life. But my husband's never plan for our future or our children future. If we divorce I've got nothing, first of all he got no money left, and he will use his professional skill to make sure doesn't pay me. He's even clever enough to make me a bad mother, he told me he will go to court get an injunction against me from my children.

I'm a hard working person, I contribute everything toward this family. I love my family so much specially my kids. They mean everything to me. Unfortunately, I have no qualification, I feel I'm stuck, as a professional himself, he always look down on me criticize me for everything. I'm feeling so depressed so helpless! I'm sick of these unhappy life and endless criticism and argument.

I don't know how to get out of these horrible situation!

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c-wong

積分: 15999

6^#

發表於 09-1-20 14:51 |只看該作者

there's no point why u have to stay with someone who dislikes you.

the most important thing to do is to squeeze any penny out of his pocket, esp. if you are full-time housewife. l have 2 close lawyer friends, let me know if you have any questions so that I can ask for their advise.

u may find a new bright life after u divorce. write more here, i m sure there will be plenty of responses from your supporters.

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ume

公爵府

積分: 29804

7^#

發表於 09-1-20 15:00 |只看該作者

樓主，你要放開懷抱，幸褔是可以有好多可能的，能找到個好老公固然幸褔，即使未能如願一個壞的男人亦有令你堅強起來的能力。不要看低自己的力量，沒有到社會工作久了的確會令自己担心自己還能追上社會的節奏，但只要你勇敢地踏出第一步，你的世界會完全煥然一新。你有沒有信仰？找個基督徒朋友帶你返下教會，在信仰上你會找到自我價值、心靈上的安慰，不要看輕這一點點的支持，有了它們，你會更有力氣面對目前的一切，你定會更幸褔的。

私人傳訊

積分: 15148

2024年龍年勳章

8^#

發表於 09-1-20 15:04 |只看該作者

Thanks c-wong!

Unfortunately he got nothing for me to squeeze. I need to put out my income on the household for the family and children every month. The problem is I don't want to divorce coz I still love him that's the reason why I feel so hurt! I just want to get our relationship better. I know you people think I'm so stupid! I hate myself behave like this too! Can someone advise me some useful information like study a course, or class to attend to? Please! I need to make some new friends or do something.

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全為愛

水晶宮

積分: 58072

9^#

發表於 09-1-20 16:02 |只看該作者

AndyM,

I am so sorry to hear about your story.
2 things come out of my mind and I'm not sure if they work:

1) yeah, I agree with your counselor that you may have to prepare for the worst but it only means preparation. In the mean time, talk to your husband, ask him what actually makes him doesn't love you anymore. Tell him you still love him and don't want a broken family for your children. Invite him to try rebuilding the relationship with you. Tell him you both should try every effort to work things out, and divorce should be the last resort. AndyM, he has already voiced out his wish - divorce, so if you don't want to get divorced, you only have one way out --> give it a try, the hardest and the best try, fight your marriage back!!! (but remember, only use positive methods and no negative thoughts!)

2) finally, if step 1) doesn't work, and you both are really planning a divorce (let's assume this worst situation), before the determination of a relationship, a more mature way of handling is to express to each other what you originally expected from marriage and what you actually have gained, how you feel towards your spouse (why and what you like or don't like), what you have learnt from the relationship and from your spouse ...etc both the positive and the negative. Each of you should express your own thoughts and feelings. This is like a conclusion of what you both have been experiencing from marriage or a relationship. In that way, you both individually will better understand yourself and your spouse and your marriage. Mindset may be changed and decision may be changed after such sincere and honest and hearty conversation. Tell your husband, even if divorce is the only way out, you both should go through what I have mentioned above so that you both will not be regret in the future. Also tell your husband, don't make any decision if any of you are in a negative mood e.g. angry, depressed, cos' people easily make the wrong decision in these status.

Afterall, when you exhaust all your effort and if you still can't make him stay, then leave the man who doesn't love you anymore, love yourself and love your children, keep on, start your new life, there are much more in your life besides that man.

May God bless you!

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c-wong

積分: 15999

10^#

發表於 09-1-20 16:48 |只看該作者

do u want to go to Church and meet church friends? I don't go to Church, but have a relative and close friend who goes there every week. u can meet new friends there.

HK space and Citi U have some part-time outreach courses, you can check out their website. some courses are funded by govt so no need to pay.

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Sadman07

積分: 1473

11^#

發表於 09-1-20 21:11 |只看該作者

AndyM,

My experience is very very simialr to you, just I am a man instead. I have done most of what 全為愛 suggested but still we have agreed to separated, just buying sometime to see if divorce is really our only solution. It is 4 months already, although it is very difficult time for me, I feel better now than before as we don't need to argue everyday. I am fortune that I can take care my daughter and we love each other so much. Therefore, don't be so depressed, I am sure you will find your way out eventually. Good luck and cheers.

私人傳訊

積分: 15148

2024年龍年勳章

12^#

發表於 09-1-21 08:29 |只看該作者

Thanks a lot to all your support.
I've been to Church many years ago, I left because too many ugly people there (I mean thier behavour).I don't think it suit me.

I've check with some courses from HK Space. But the minimum to entry it at least HKCEE Cert. which I haven't got.

Over the past years, we have had too many conflicts & every time he need to win the argument. He is very stubborn & self-centred person, he always think he is right and I'm wrong, never compromised. I've been trying talk to him calmly but always end up an argument because he'd never thought he had done anything wrong. Every single time will end up by accusing me! The problem is I still love him, but he turn into a stone wall, he refuse talk about our problems. He told me he made up his mind that we are finished, he want to end this relationship, that's it! I feel so helpless and so hurt!

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lmchan2008

禁止訪問

積分: 5960

13^#

發表於 09-1-21 08:32 |只看該作者

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fatping

積分: 17064

14^#

發表於 09-1-21 15:10 |只看該作者

老實講, 咁樣做2夫妻有咩意思, 我會選擇分開, 分開後佢或者可能先會發覺無你既壞處同你既好處, 對你都會好d因為而家直頭係精神虐待, 我朋友成日同我講唔開心既一對, 分開後可能係開心既2對

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LUON

積分: 3466

15^#

發表於 09-1-21 16:01 |只看該作者

我睇完第一個問號,
點解/由何時開始佢會對你咁差?

你有講過佢樣樣野同你吵,
但講真, 冰封三尺非一日之寒,
一隻手掌拍唔響!

你可否舉些你跟他爭辯的例子來看看,
你又回頭想想他認為對而你認為錯的決定,
是否到如今你都堅持你的看法?

私人傳訊

Carol601016

禁止訪問

積分: 1111

16^#

發表於 09-1-21 16:22 |只看該作者

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aromama

公爵府

積分: 26482

2024年龍年勳章環保接龍勳章

17^#

發表於 09-1-22 03:14 |只看該作者

原帖由 LUON 於 09-1-21 16:01 發表
我睇完第一個問號,
點解/由何時開始佢會對你咁差?

你有講過佢樣樣野同你吵,
但講真, 冰封三尺非一日之寒,
一隻手掌拍唔響!

你可否舉些你跟他爭辯的例子來看看,
你又回頭想想他認為對而你認為錯的決定,
是否到如今 ...

莫怪我多心,我覺得你c6有第二件,男人追女仔時是一隻主動的動物,但在離婚時是被動的動物,有0麥可以令男人甘主動題出離婚呀?

私人傳訊

積分: 15148

2024年龍年勳章

18^#

發表於 09-1-22 10:43 |只看該作者

Everytime I try to talk to him about our problems, we end up by accusing each other. He always said I was wrong he is right, he only said our relationship is finished. As you know every couple argue must be both side got some right and some wrong. But he will shift the problems to me that I caused all these troubles, arguments.
I've been to see Social worker, I've been pyschiatrist on anti-depression medication. Iam seeing Counselor on my own. I am trying everthing to save my family, but without his coperation I don't think it will work.

原帖由 Carol601016 於 09-1-21 16:22 發表
您地呢d情形唔會係一朝一夕咖啦,有無好好咁傾過,又或者您嘗試吓搵專業人仕去幫吓您地啦,會唔會您唔夠關心佢,以致佢向外尋求佢需要既關心

其實兩夫妻有問題,一定係兩方面都有責任咖,要大家都付出咖,您試吓約佢出去食 ...

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LUON