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1^#

發表於 07-4-18 03:28 |只看該作者

Anyone want to have a second baby?

Hi all US moms,
My name is Carol and I live in San Francisco and have a 3 year old son. I really want to have a second baby but my husband said "NO".
I can't say he's wrong because we don't have parents or parents in law live here that they can help us to take care of our kid. We have to pay for the day-care. It is too hard to raise a child here without any help. Of course, it is expensive to pay for the babysitting. Also, I am planning to send my son to the pre-school in few months. We can't afford to pay double, except my son will go to a good public school when he turns 5.
So irritating...
any suggestions???

[img align=left]http://www.shutterfly.com/view/picture_dt.jsp?state=67b0de21b6f21ef2b435&idx=19[/img]

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jstn

別墅

積分: 597

2^#

發表於 07-4-18 03:58 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Hi Carol:

I am now in my first pregnancy. Similar to your situation, we don't have parents/in-laws/relatives here in NY. It's pretty tough even my bb is not born yet. You know lar, emotional and, if possible, childcare support from family is really important. I know that my husband would want a second child, but if we were still in USA, I am have some hesitation ... just worry that I/we can't do a good job as parents (too stressful and of course, financial is an important reason)

Can't give you much constructive advice ... only that I think no matter you will or will not have second child, it's important to talk and have a unified decision with your husband; otherwise, this might be another source of conflict. You know lar, the most important support is from your husband. Happy child comes from happy parents :lol:

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3^#

發表於 07-4-18 04:41 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Hi jstn,
Thanks for your sharing.
It is a hard decision. My husband said if we have another kid that we can't give our son the best.
Example, we can't send our son to learn piano because we spend the rest of money to the second child. I think that's true.
I would like to be a happy parents.

Carol

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suecheung

複式洋房

積分: 428

4^#

發表於 07-4-18 12:58 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

hi,

我是兩個孩子的媽媽，一個七歲半，一個差不多六歲，我不是很富有，現在還要出外工作賺錢養家。不過我有一個可依賴的奶奶，情況可能不同。

但我覺得可能我不能給他們最好的物質，但我已給他們最好的東西---一個"伴"。雖每天總有吵吵鬧鬧的時候，但每次看到弟弟待姐姐放學回家，他總是愛跟她講不停，兩個一同玩，一同學習。我一罰姐姐或弟弟，總是另一個求情。到重要的情形，如出外旅行，姐姐總是拖著弟弟，怕他會走失。可能他倆仍在可愛時期，我總是覺得有兄弟姊妹的，他們在感情世界方面，有得互相依賴。可能在經濟方面有所不足，對我來說，有很多的滿足。

這是我個人的經歷、經驗。

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5^#

發表於 07-4-18 22:54 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

好同意 suecheung 嘅講法..
而我係一個冇back up 嘅媽咪 like you guys..
我媽咪,99都講明.. 生就自己養, 自已湊..
我哋見 Amanda (3.5歲) 好孤零零, so 我哋再生一個, Gabriel 都快4 months old ..
我要全職工作, as老公薪水真係好差 (compare with 我嘅salary) Amanda返緊 day care, 今年9月返 preschool..
我吔請唐人做 live in Nanny..
老實講, 係會吃力, 但當見到 Amanda一放學好開心咁抱住 Gabriel Kiss.. 佢亦好 care about 英姨( our nanny), 視英姨為家人.. 我好滿足
我知.. 如果只有 Amanda, 我真係買嘢唔駛睇價錢.. 但要Amanda長大後, family issue 要佢一力承担, 就好担心.. 有個sibling 會可以有個依靠..
suecheung 講晒我個心諗嘅嘢呢..
但如果想要多個kids.. 首先要解決2個大人嘅分歧啊!

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6^#

發表於 07-4-19 02:34 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Thank you for all of your advices.
I really want to have a second baby in my mind and you guys totally have the same feeling as I do.
Well..Finance is a big problem. I think I will wait till my son goes to K1 next year if we can no more paying the babysitting fee and save it for the second baby. I don't really wait too long and they are too far apart..very frustrating...

Carol

[img align=left]http://www.shutterfly.com/view/picture_dt.jsp?state=67b0de21b6f21ef2b435&idx=19[/img]

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nic977

複式洋房

積分: 235

7^#

發表於 07-4-19 22:30 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Carol,

Sue and Nillie is right, have a second child is a very hard decision. Sometimes I kind of feel bad for my daughter that I have a second child because all the attention I have to give to my son and a lot of times that I don't have time for her. But on the other hand, I am also glad that they have each other. My daughter really love her little brother (she is now 25 months old, and my son will turn 1 next month) they are very close, even they fight for toys a lot of times but then they also play with each other very much. But my situtation is probably different to yours, my parents are living with us to help to take care of the kids, money is a big issue because we just can't affort to send both kids to daycare, and we have to hold off not to send KTV to pre school this year because it will be hard financially. But, as sue said, by having a second child, you gave them the best, a companion, the closest one they can ever get, they will grow up together and fight with each other and then make up. You don't need to buy them the best clothes or food or toy, like me, I go buy stuffs for them when it's onsale, I buy end of season items/clothes for next year, that way you save a lot of money. Get creative in how you can save money, like clips coupons and only buy stuffs that on sale and buy in bulk. There is nothing better than watching them playing with each other and kissing each other after you get home after a busy/stressful day after work.
Good luck!

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8^#

發表於 07-4-20 00:38 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

new york 仲有樣好.. 多bk mami, 多小朋友.. 一級級.. 我哋1轉天氣, 就將小朋友衫洗淨, 轉送俾另一個bk family.. 咁真係慳好多呢..
even outdoor slide, swings system, toys, books, DVD, bath rub, crib, 一過咗stage, 我哋就pass over, 我哋好多嘢都係share.. 有Baby kingdom.. 真好!...

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9^#

發表於 07-4-20 02:14 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Nillie_Mami,
it is do nice that NY has this activity for the families to save some money. I'm not sure if San Francisco has one.
nic977,
Thank you for your opinion.
I think I can imagine if I can have 2 children that will be very warm. But I don't think my husband is ready.
He was complaining no personal time already. Did your husband complain?

[img align=left]http://www.shutterfly.com/view/picture_dt.jsp?state=67b0de21b6f21ef2b435&idx=19[/img]

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10^#

發表於 07-4-20 03:05 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

carol,
係我地自己發起嘅.. Amanda 喺new york, 算係大姐姐, 佢out growth 嘅嘢, 放喺屋企又冇用, 咪等其他bk 媽咪需要就攞去, 佢哋baby outgrowth 時又攞返嚟.. 好多媽咪話掉玩具, 我就叫佢哋留起俾我去pick up, as 我屋企有地方, 反正 clothes, bath tub, toys, bouncers 唔一定要新買..
咁可以幫好多新搬嚟New york, or 有第二胎嘅 BK mami 慳唔少錢呢.. as 我屋企even stock up new york mami嘅孕婦衫褲同裙 (4 seasons都有), 當有媽咪出聲, 就可以嚟揀, 只係"將心比己", 個個同嘢都好"gan" 錫..
特別係toys .. 真係新簇簇呢.. Amanda 1st birthday 收4張 fisher price and V-tech 嘅 learning table, 到佢2歲幾時就攞去俾4個BK mami, as佢哋BB 啱stage 去玩..
咁至真係慳到錢..
SF好多 BK mami架.. 你哋得閒傾吓囉..
as stay overseas, 出外係靠朋友呢!
男人係自私嘅動物, 以為出去打工揾錢返屋企就責任完成, 真係有時, 我對老公都幾失望.. 要complain 付出多, 點計佢只係去返工揾錢, but 老婆(我哋)冇做工咩? 仲要做 house work even 看住工人同湊小朋友... 男人-->有時真係...唉!
我想要personal time.. 佢有冇本事offer 返俾我呢??

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11^#

發表於 07-4-20 03:18 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Nillie_Mami ,
I agreed what you said.
I work full-time and have to take care my son after work. he just play with him 20 minutes at night, sometimes even less than that. he was serching something on the internet last night and Jacob (my son) was asking him to come out from the computer room and he was saying no personal time .We shouldn't have another baby if no more time left. I were feeling so upset when I heard that.
Besides, how can you type Chinese?
I really want to type Chinese instead of English. You know, something we can descibe better in Chinese.
Thank you anyway.

[img align=left]http://www.shutterfly.com/view/picture_dt.jsp?state=67b0de21b6f21ef2b435&idx=19[/img]

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Carrie210

大宅

積分: 3787

醒目開學勳章

12^#

發表於 07-4-20 04:17 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

想唔想要第二個．．．．？
諗左好耐呀．．．當生完第一個時，　就諗要唔要啦，　真係諗左成年都諗唔店呀，　不過如果老公係唔想既，　真係唔好強要第二個，　咁樣兩公婆會好多ａｒｇｕｅ啦，　如又冇ｐａｒａｎｔｓ可ｓｕｐｐｏｒｔ呢，　錢又唔多夠用既話，　就真係唔好啦，　
雖然ｄ人成日話物質唔係咁重要，　但我自己都做過小朋友，　當番學時見朋友仔有呢樣果樣，都真係想自己都有架，　所以話原全冇物質比佢地，好似同人個ｄｉｓｔａｎｔ好遠，　可能有人唔讚同，　但我覺得而家咁既社會，好似十個有９個都番ｓｕｍｍｅｒ　ｓｃｈｏｏｌ啦，　唔通你唔比你小朋友番咩，　但番ｓｕｍｍｅｒ　ｓｃｈｏｏｌ又係好貴．等佢兩個月放假都係屋企咩，　父母又要番工搵錢，　咁咪又係一樣對個小朋友唔好．咁不如計過，ｄ錢係夠一個小朋友架啦，　咁咪一個咯，　冇所謂既，　過兩年，又唔同左啵，　可多一個ｂｂ既，　咪先生咯，而家ｄ人好大年紀先生架啦．　唔怕啦．至緊要你同老公都覺得ｈａｐｐｙ咪得咯．
我個ｃａｓｅ呢，　係我６２９９都鍾意小朋友既，　好想幫我湊，　但我又想自己湊，　但得老公一個搵錢．．嘿嘿．唔緊要啦．　船到橋頭自然直．

Nat Nat World 叻叻小天地

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nic977

複式洋房

積分: 235

13^#

發表於 07-4-20 05:52 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Carol,

well, my hubby donesn't complain, he doesn't do anything.... the gets off work and then come home and then goes back to the room to watch tv, because ktv is watching cartoon downstair or my parents are watching chinese channel, and he wants to watch baseball. Dinner time, he come down and get the food and go back up the room to watch baseball again, and bring down the bowl when he's done and go back up again. Weekend, I wake up around 8am because Kev and ktv wakes up and they won't let me sleep but he sleeps till like noon time. He keeps on telling me that he has a lot of work to do and very stressful, sound like I don't have to do anything at work, even I am a government work but I still have work to do and sometimes it's very stressful too but I just never bring it home as I think that family is family and work is work, once I walk out of my office, I leave all the work behind untill I come back to the office. I have to

then he will clean up the room, I have to

then he will help out some of the stuffs. And he said he want a 3rd one. Well, he's not doing the work, of course. For KTV, sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night to feed her, but with Kev, since I bf, he does nothing..... I can go on and on about him..... ai..... but have I ever regret that I have ktv and kev, NO, they are the angel in my life, and all the happiness that these 2 little angle brough me is priceless. For my hubby, I will keep on

and

him to get things done. Man only thinks that they bring in the money and that's it, it's a lot more than that with family, it's not just you and him anymore, it's the future about the kids. Anyway, I totally agreee happy parents have happy kids, I never show any

in front of our kids, hhehehe

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bunnymonkey

別墅

積分: 781

14^#

發表於 07-4-20 15:05 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

carolcharcoal,

Hi. I live in south bay area and have a 10 months old boy. Well regarding your situation, I guess it's better to wait till your husband and you have the same thought about having the second kid. You two need to be on the same page or else there will be a lot of issues coming out later. If you don't think you can afford paying "double" for the pre-school for another kid, I think it's better for you to hold off that idea and wait till later. Even though "rich people have rich people's ways to raise kids, and poor people have poor people's way to raise kids"... I do believe materials/$ do affect how a kid grow up especially in the US nowadays. Like Carrie said, if all the 小朋友 go to summer school and only your kid can't afford to attend... he/she may feel a bit isolation or too "different" compare to other kids. Peer pressure mah. Of course, it also depends what values the parents teach the kids...

If you and your husband are on the same page and have the will to take care of more kids and love the process (to raise a kid)... Then, go ahead. :) But if he's not ready now, maybe you can wait a bit or trying to talk to him and see if he will change his mind.

As for me, one kid is more than enough for me! hehe.. too much work and financial issue too. I want to provide "the best" for my kid with my limited resources. I don't want him to only get shares/half of the whole "resources". Like when I was growing up, I wish I would be the only kid so I don't need to use the hand-me-down from my brother. Ideally, a kid should have the thought about "sharing"... but sometimes, we all have evil/selfish minds...

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bunnymonkey

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15^#

發表於 07-4-20 15:12 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

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16^#

發表於 07-4-20 21:01 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Carol,
我係用e貓小蒙恬手寫板.. 中文字係喺 "金字典" 字典機, 我老公同BK媽咪教我.. 手寫板喺唐人街買架..
好認同bunny monkey 同 Carrie所講.. share 真係好慘, 當生完 Amanda, 我點都唔想要第2個住, 因為我唔要Amanda步我哋後塵.. 但當佢慢慢大, 我哋發現佢好悶, 好需要buddy, 加上我攞返RN 牌, 屋企冇收入嘅壓力.. 老公同我都覺得,要為Amanda 添個sibling, 始終 even Amanda 好tough, 但佢只係個女仔, 好驚一日我哋唔喺喥, (尤其我自已知自己事, 真係會話走就走), 咁Amanda點算?? 担子太重.. 佢有個sibling 會好啲..
好在.. Amanda係女, Gabriel 係仔.. 好多佢哋用嘅嘢都冇得share.. plus, 佢哋差3年半.. 短期內都冇衝突..
Summer school, 我就一定要佢哋返..as我冇當 summer school 係extra expense, 我加埋summer school 喺佢返學school fee 喥..
錢方面.. 我已plan 住出去"秘勞".. 一個shift at least $600-700.. 扣晒稅都有$400-500.. 一個星期做1日.. 可以幫到唔少..
我知我老公想我一星期7日都返工.. 錢多吖嘛! 有時心"up"時都有諗過佢係咪為咗我收入高而娶我.. 我係咪好儍..

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17^#

發表於 07-4-21 03:20 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

carrie210,
Thanks for your support!
yes, I'm waiting ..and waiting if there is a chance to have second child.
Of course, I hope I can give my son the best . Besides, I think if he can have a sibling that's even more perfect.
How many kids do you have now?
Are you planning to have another one soon?

Carol

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18^#

發表於 07-4-21 03:37 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

bunnymonkey,
Thanks for your response.
Does your husband ok to has one kid only?
What do you think if your son growth up and ask why he does not has brother or sister?
I do agreed what you said but I always thinking my son will be very lonely. :cry:
What do you think?

Carol

[img align=left]http://www.shutterfly.com/view/picture_dt.jsp?state=67b0de21b6f21ef2b435&idx=19[/img]

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Carrie210

大宅

積分: 3787

醒目開學勳章

19^#

發表於 07-4-21 03:37 |只看該作者

Re: Anyone want to have a second baby?

Hello Carol
我而家得一個女,岩岩一歲大, 如果要有第二個呢..都會等我女兩歲先啦.咁會好湊d, 因係我自己湊番架.

Nat Nat World 叻叻小天地

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