My feelings are pretty similar. I'm struggling to forgive him and let him visit my babies, yet at the same time the hurts is great. I try to stop myself from thinking abt whether he's with his China mistress and illegitimate childnow, yet at times ... ... it's difficult to stop. sometimes secretly i still hope that he will come back, i still wish that my babies will still ve a dad.
But he chose to leave when I was 3 mths pregnant, and I have to struggle thru my pregnancy alone. Do I really want my babies to meet him in future? Yes, it's better for the kids, but i guess my babies will not know anything yet, so i think for now, i will not. i cannot to afford to let him hurt me again when I need all my energy and sanityto take care of my babies.
Sometimes, i wonder why human beings can be so cruelto someone they are so close to. Yet these past few months,I have met many kind souls too. Guess there are all sorts of people in the world. People or so called family may not be the people you should trust most.