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321^#

發表於 08-3-16 08:42 |只看該作者

Bonnietsw,
it's nice at least u have a nice boss! i am not as lucky as u r...he put me in the "fridge" waiting for me to quit....
anyway, my friend's friend were a successful working woman but their kids were not disciplined and didnt do well in school..so i guess everything has opportunity cost..

about 99...so funny my friend actually when to see "fu shui" and the ci fu said if she lives with her 99 ..one of them r gonna die or seriuosly injured.......so that's the excuse that she didnt have to live with them naw...lucky her...

原文章由 Bonnietsw 於 08-3-15 05:19 發表

Alisonli,

It's not easy to be a working mom. We want to climb up the corp. ladder but we really have limited time and energy. My team consists of mostly guys. When they need to fly to different off ...

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junw

洋房

積分: 84

322^#

發表於 08-3-16 10:16 |只看該作者

回覆 #1 ALISONLI 的文章

Hi Alison,
My situation was kinda like yours. My previous employer was kinda putting me into the fridge and waited for me to quit. She was not giving me any promotion nor any pay raise for a long long time. It makes me become serious underpaid. But my previous job allow me to work from home, so that was the advantage. I guess I shouldn't complain too much as I was working from home while the co-workers has to fly to the project site. I have switched to a new job a month ago, it has been so far so good. Even I have to go to the office everyday, but the current employer allow flexible schedule, and occasional work from home arrangement if my kids are sick. I am pretty happy about the move. So you might want to 'add oil' for your job hunting. There might be something better out there. I think your agent is so improfessional. I think each candidate can have preference for what kind of work they want to be in, it is the agent's job to find a match. If he cannot provide this service, you can talk to another agent who is willing to do the job. There are many agency out there, so don't be upset about the agent.

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socloudy

積分: 4981

醒目開學勳章畀面勳章環保接龍勳章

323^#

發表於 08-3-16 13:14 |只看該作者

Alisonli,
I have a lot going on so I can't spend too much time on computer. Hopefully, everything can back to normal in 3 weeks.
I should be back to work in 2 months, I'm kinda nervous to go back to work this time... really don't know what to expect because of the company situation. My firm is facing some financial difficulty so maybe another round of layoff will be coming...
I think you worry too much la. Since your hubby is willing to take care of you, maybe you can take a long break and stay home.

原文章由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-16 08:31 發表
socloudy,
so happy to see u back!! when r u going back to work?
husband is the breadmaker in the house although that's the case..i am really worry about *knock wood* if anything happens..i probably c ...

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324^#

發表於 08-3-16 13:29 |只看該作者

alisonli,

that's ok ... it's been history now (happened almost 5 years ago).
actually someone joked that i was lucky to have 7-month salary + 6-month unemployment income without working. but i always blamed my ex-company ruined my life to make me to be a stay-home mom.

anyway, as i was not the only one who got laid off, the legal professionals said i can't sue the company. they laid off 10% of the total # of employees (over 150,000) after the merger. so, over 15,000 employees were laid off at different times within a year after the merge.

原文章由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-16 08:33 發表
SY_Mom,
sorry to hear about what happened...were u the only one who got laid off? if so maybe u could sue them..isnt it against the law to fire a pregnant woman anyway?

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325^#

發表於 08-3-16 13:34 |只看該作者

alisonli,

it's so funny when i heard about yr friend's case with her 99.
unfortunately both my 99 and i don't believe in "fung shui", so it won't work for us. i just joked with my husband that maybe we should move to a smaller 2-bedroom house so that 99 won't be staying with us.

anyway, i agree that it's better for women to be financially independent and not relied to their husbands. when i was working, my hubby always said something like, "go ahead and buy it. u can afford to pay for this with your own salary." but since i stopped working, he always said, "they both (husband and wife) work, so of course they can ...."
however, as u hv 3 boys, it might be a good idea for u to stay home.

原文章由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-16 08:42 發表
Bonnietsw,
it's nice at least u have a nice boss! i am not as lucky as u r...he put me in the "fridge" waiting for me to quit....
anyway, my friend's friend were a successful working woman but their k ...

[ 本文章最後由 SY_Mom 於 08-3-16 13:43 編輯 ]

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326^#

發表於 08-3-18 02:10 |只看該作者

SY_Mom,
may consider moving further away from the city...like not close to any of her friends, chinese supermarket or restaurant...if she doesnt know how to drive might be she would feel bored and move out?

hey your old co. didnt ruin your life la..at least you got 13 mo pay without actual working la..and u could spend time with your son. think about those ppl working in bear stearns..

原文章由 SY_Mom 於 08-3-16 13:34 發表
alisonli,

it's so funny when i heard about yr friend's case with her 99.
unfortunately both my 99 and i don't believe in "fung shui", so it won't work for us. i just joked with my husband that maybe ...

[ 本文章最後由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-18 21:33 編輯 ]

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327^#

發表於 08-3-18 02:14 |只看該作者

socloudy,
of cuz taking care of two kids is hard to be online la. i can only get on during work time or late night la. when my kids r not around..my job is not that bad at least i could be on bk ma..some co doesnt even have internet access......u should definitely go back to work if they r not gonna let u go at least u r gonna have another 6 mo of unemployment paid after ur maternity leave ma...

原文章由 socloudy 於 08-3-16 13:14 發表
Alisonli,
I have a lot going on so I can't spend too much time on computer. Hopefully, everything can back to normal in 3 weeks.
I should be back to work in 2 months, I'm kinda nervous to go back t ...

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積分: 616

328^#

發表於 08-3-18 02:18 |只看該作者

junw,
it's nice that your company can be so flexible...i wish i could work from home like u...actually being in the "fridge" is not too bad...*Sigh* at least i could get pay for not doing anything ma..am i giving up myself already haha..anyway, i am not sure if it's a good time to look now..i work for investment bank..(although in tax dept) i think all of their stocks r down over 10% today haha...

原文章由 junw 於 08-3-16 10:16 發表
Hi Alison,
My situation was kinda like yours. My previous employer was kinda putting me into the fridge and waited for me to quit. She was not giving me any promotion nor any pay raise for a long lo ...

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329^#

發表於 08-3-18 13:11 |只看該作者

alisonli,

u know what?! actually i'd worked at the IT lab of Bear Stearns in NJ for about 1/2 yr when i worked for the consulting group of my ex-employer. for that 1/2 yr, i worked there during the weekdays and flew back home for the weekends.

for the 6-mo unemployment paid, actually i didn't get that much as the max u could get at that time in CA was like $1680 a month no matter if u had a 6-digit or 7-digit annual salary. also, it's still taxable at my old tax-bracket, so after all i didn't get much into my own pocket.

well ... actually we're not living in san fran. so the public transportation is not that good. that's why 99 still drives when she's staying with us. she's pretty independent and has very strong self-esteem and dignity, so she has to have her own car so that she can go out by herself.

btw, please check yr PM.

原文章由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-18 02:10 發表
SY_Mom,
may consider moving further away from the city...like not close to any of her friends, chinese supermarket or restaurant...if she doesnt know how to drive might be she would feel bored and mov ...

[ 本文章最後由 SY_Mom 於 08-3-18 13:20 編輯 ]

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junw

洋房

積分: 84

330^#

發表於 08-3-18 13:16 |只看該作者

回覆 #3 ALISONLI 的文章

when I was pregrant, my ex-employer was going thru lots of different round of laid off. I wish I could be one of them being laid off. However, I waited, waited and waited, I still didn't got my turn. I wish I could have the maternity leave + severence package + UI while taking care of my newborn babies. I guess I don't have those luck.

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331^#

發表於 08-3-18 13:53 |只看該作者

junw,

well ... did u try to "suggest" for being laid off when u were pregnant?

actually my "original" manager didn't want to be the bad guy to lay me off since we were in the same office. however, he "threw" me to another group and the "new" manager who's in another office laid me off. the team member in the new group didn't even know that i'd joined the team when i was laid off. that's why i hate them so much.
maybe my manage also thought of doing me a favor by laying me off, but he's never asked me if i wanted it.

in my case, i didn't really want to be laid off coz i'd never thought of being a stay-at-home mom. now although i still don't like to be a stay-home mom, it's hard for me to prepare my "heart" going back to work. when he's 2, i've lost a couple of good job opportunity by hiding myself from the recruiters, coz i was not ready going back to the workforce. i've been struggling since my kid was 1 and now he's going to be 5 and i'm still struggling. i guess i still not prepared to let him go to school for full day.
well ... i'm not sure if it's really worth it to sacrify my career for my boy while nobody appreciates for it.

原文章由 junw 於 08-3-18 13:16 發表
when I was pregrant, my ex-employer was going thru lots of different round of laid off. I wish I could be one of them being laid off. However, I waited, waited and waited, I still didn't got my tur ...

[ 本文章最後由 SY_Mom 於 08-3-18 13:56 編輯 ]

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332^#

發表於 08-3-18 22:14 |只看該作者

junw,
i told my boss that i dont mind being laid off but he still put me in the fridge.....i am cheap labor ma..so i guess it doesnt make a difference to him or the dept...if i cant stand it.. i might quit one day...

原文章由 junw 於 08-3-18 13:16 發表
when I was pregrant, my ex-employer was going thru lots of different round of laid off. I wish I could be one of them being laid off. However, I waited, waited and waited, I still didn't got my tur ...

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積分: 616

333^#

發表於 08-3-18 22:20 |只看該作者

SY_Mom
wow. flying from nj to sf every weekend ? that's far...they must be paying u well..no wonder u r still regretting after 5 years la..hey..why did u say no one appreciate ur effort la? i am sure your son would disagree with u la. little kids need their mommy the most and u spent 5 years with him. so u r a very good mom! try to enjoy the time with him cuz they grow up very fast la. my 8 year old is driving me nuts still cuz he got a note almost everyday (hitting others/not doing hw). it's very hard to teach him when he just doesnt care...god..do u think staying home will make a big difference to him or will i get higher blood pressure instead.......................

原文章由 SY_Mom 於 08-3-18 13:11 發表
alisonli,

u know what?! actually i'd worked at the IT lab of Bear Stearns in NJ for about 1/2 yr when i worked for the consulting group of my ex-employer. for that 1/2 yr, i worked there during the ...

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積分: 1760

334^#

發表於 08-3-19 01:03 |只看該作者

alisonli,

yes, flying to NJ from san jose back and forth every week for about 1/2 yr. and that's only one project. i did same thing flying to CO for 1/2 for another project. however, i only got a salary from my company, coz they paid my company by hour and not to me. so i know the contractors got paid very well but not me ...

btw, i feel sorry to hear abt yr oldest son's situation. in that case, it's worth a try for u to stay home to see if it'll make a difference. or u should consider switching him to a private school (maybe a chrisitan school) where he could get more attention. hv u ever tried to seek for professional counseling for parenting to see how u can deal with it? it's better to do something earlier than later.

原文章由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-18 22:20 發表
SY_Mom
wow. flying from nj to sf every weekend ? that's far...they must be paying u well..no wonder u r still regretting after 5 years la..hey..why did u say no one appreciate ur effort la? i am sure ...

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積分: 1760

335^#

發表於 08-3-19 01:12 |只看該作者

alisonli,

i attended the BASS convention recently and found some parenting and children topics are quite helpful. if u hv time, u can take a look and order some CDs to listen. althought the speakers are chrisitans, they're all professionals such as counselors and preschool directors, etc.

http://www.bassconvention.org/workshops.cfm
(click on "asian americans, children, early childhood", etc.)

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rose-mag

王國長老

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336^#

發表於 08-3-19 01:13 |只看該作者

SY_Mom,
You don't need the others to approve your staying home to take care of your son. Whatever the other people say is just what they think. They will never understand what's the best for your son and your family. I heard so much comments about how we take care of my kids. Some of them are very irresponsible and offensive in making comments. Just like one of my hubby's aunts, she asked why my mom does not take care of both my son and my daughter if she really wants to help. I told her that my mom is not able to take care 2 at one time, especially my son is going thru a very active stage and my daughter is not an easy baby. She then critized that my mom was not helping us with whole heart and she also said that many people can take care 3-4 grandkids at one time. It's a waste of money to put my son in daycare. Then, she complaint to my hubby that my son was so naughty - he wanted to touch everything and ran around the house. I was sort of upset when his aunt said that and my mother-in-law even complaint more at the same time. I wondered why my MIL said that and it made us look so bad.

Then, My hubby laughed at her and asked her how about her loser son. She shutted up real fast. I felt relieved that my hubby defended us. Actually, I should care only what my hubby thinks and how my kids appear to be. My son is a cheerful boy, active, caring and curious of everything. All these are so valueable for raising a healthy kid. I should only be responsible to my kids and my hubby, not the other people else. Do you think the same way?

花旗太太生活在花旗國，留意時差，你問我未必即時答到。

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積分: 616

337^#

發表於 08-3-19 22:27 |只看該作者

SY_Mom,
thanx for your advise. i really should deal with my oldest son sooner before it's too late.. i know it's really tough...i really hope as he grows older he will get better....it's really weird cuz my 2nd one is so well behaved and got good grades..they have different personalities although it's from the same genes..hahah..too bad my 3rd is like my oldest so it's gonna be another headache for me.
anyway, rose-mag is right. other ppl always critized about everything. if u do everything right still ppl have something to say so just ignore them...plz..my mom even said i am lazy since i got married..give me a break..i have 3 boys and go to work full time and she hasnt worked for the past i dunno how many years.....so in order to shut her up i ask her to help out taking care of my kids so i could find a real full time job. of cuz she has nothing to say afterwards !

原文章由 SY_Mom 於 08-3-19 01:03 發表
alisonli,

yes, flying to NJ from san jose back and forth every week for about 1/2 yr. and that's only one project. i did same thing flying to CO for 1/2 for another project. however, i only got a ...

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Bonnietsw

民房

積分: 25

338^#

發表於 08-3-20 02:51 |只看該作者

I totally agree - sometimes people criticize you and how you raise your kids. Ignore them...
Rose_mag: ignore what your hubby's aunt said about your mom and your son. She has no right to give such harsh comments. It's too easy for people to just open their mouths and criticize. Kids like to run around and play. Your 99 should be on your side, but who knows what's in her mind. As long as your hubby understands you and your kids are happy and healthy, that's all you care.

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積分: 1760

339^#

發表於 08-3-20 06:00 |只看該作者

rosemag,

thx for yr notes.

alisonli,

i think u're doing a good job - work full time and still be able to take care of 3 boys. for me, no way i can handle it.

i'm not surprised to hear that yr 2nd boy is much well-behaved than his older brother. some people told me not to be scared to have another kid, coz my next kid might be very well-behaved if my first one is a tough one. however, i still don't wanna take the chance.

原文章由 ALISONLI 於 08-3-19 22:27 發表
SY_Mom,
thanx for your advise. i really should deal with my oldest son sooner before it's too late.. i know it's really tough...i really hope as he grows older he will get better....it's really weird ...

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