我亦有讀過一本書叫"7 worst things that most parents do"。作者是兩個心理學專家, 他們的工作都是協助對於教育子女有困難的父母, 提供心理輔導和解決方案。作者亦找來權威兒童心理學家的論文去解釋其說法。
作者除了列出7件父母最常做但又不應做的事情外, 他們最強調是過多或多少是不好的(Dysfunction Usually Equals Extremes. The opposite of dysfunctional is dysfunctional.)。例如花太多時間和大少時間在小朋友身上是不好的;對小朋友太多或太少讚美是不好的。這些只是舉例, 亦應用在每件事情上。
1: Baby Your Child - Mother's who protect their timid children from upsetting experiences produce kids who continue to be plagued by fear as they grow older. Mother's who gradually and consistently encourage their kids to deal with more and more of the world produce children who are much less fearful later on.
2: Put Your Marriage Last - Our children need us to show up at their band concerts, hockey games, school plays and church choir concerts. They need us to chauffeur them to the doctor and the dentist. They need us to create a sense of family and belonging, of togetherness, of unity. They need to see what a healthy marriage looks like, how it functions, how problems are dealt with and how conflicts are negotiated.
3: Put Your Child into Too Many Activities - Over the years, our caseload has been filled with young professionals whose parents anxiously pressed them harder and harder to excel and achieve during high school and college out of an imaginary fear that "If my child doesn't go to the best and become the best, his or her life will be miserable." Well, they are miserable, all right, not for want of being the best, but because of trying to the exclusion of everything else that is more important in life.
4: Ignore Your Emotional or Spiritual Life - With so many middle- and upper-middle-class kids being indulged with most everything they want, it is understandable that many children miss the spiritual connection and view work as demeaning and pointless. This distorted sense of entitlement makes being spiritual very hard. Spirituality and religion are not the same thing, even though they may be highly related at times. Spiritual people have wisdom, which translates into knowing when to try to change things and when not to, when to surrender and when to struggle some more.
#5: Be Your Child's Best Friend - When parents and children have a very weak boundary between them, the result is chaos. When the boundary between parents and children is clear and flexible, the system functions much better. Children need and desire structure. In weak systems, they also get seduced by lack of structure. They get used to it, intoxicated by it, and then they can't let go of the inordinate amount of power they have acquired. There is certainly nothing odd about children getting angry at parents when they say "No." It is normal.
#6: Fail to Give Your Child Structure - Children learn internal structure and discipline by first experiencing external structure. It is sad to encounter a very bright individual who lacks emotional intelligence. Sad, too, that our culture so overvalues academic intelligence that by the time a person is all grown up and realized he or she lacks emotional intelligence, it's a lot more work to acquire it. Part of the way children learn to have internal structure is (1) if their parents are grown up enough to provide them with external structure along the way (2) if someone is able to teach them to develop internal structure.
#7: Expect Your Child to Fulfill Your Dreams - It is hypocritical to tell our children that we want them to grow up to be strong, clear, consistent, thoughtful, committed adults when we aren't that way ourselves, and when we aren't willing to give our kids clear messages to that effect. Children do learn what they live. It is sad to see otherwise well-meaning parents clinging to their adolescents for dear life.
agree with you, that's why everyday i look into this topic on top priority, and eventhough i visit the sept 03 mama topic( same age as my son), i hardly find any topic or their conversation attracts me.
of course i will keep all of you into my friend's list if i am not bf mom, but at least Moses can have a lot of brothers and sisters...
Roses has to take care of Moses, .......
我常常想,如果不是埋身餵奶那份親暱無人可替,小女早已不認為娘----會否繼續下去,對我來說仍是未知數.,暫定1歲左右,都會替她戒母乳
bk 這個欄一定可以薪火相傳---令其他懷孕中的準媽媽可以在這裡汲取經驗,再由她們繼續連綿不斷,將授乳秘笈延續下去---真的功德無量啊~~~Glad,譚媽媽幾位台柱真是功不可抹 :-P 
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