Actually it was a question to me before. The answers are:
1. Actually there is no winner or loser in a marriage. If you are unhappy or you divorce at the end. You are the loser. If I do not want to be the loser, what should I do? The answer is obvious.
2. Am I the one who break the ice first? At the beginning "YES". However, after a several times, both of us will try to talk first. We find that it is not necessary to wait for the other. As either of us talk first, the other will get softer anyway.
3. Both of us find that we are happier if we do focus who is wrong. The argue frequency is sharply reduced.
Just some sharing, my experience tells me that why my husband tried not talk to me first in the past. It was because he did not want to be rejected. He WAS REJECTED most of time in the past and that really discouraged him. Ask yourself what is your response if he asks you not to angry about him right after the argument? "Just get out of my sight", right?
I am smarter now, if he does not break my bottom line, why bother to angry about him and make both of us unhappy. Of course, dicussion is very important. I will find a suitable wait to express my feeling, such as write him e-mail or talk to him when he is in good mood. As long as both of you want to have good marriage, both of you have to pay effort.
cobylai 寫道:
hi alijased
but why i have to be the one to compromise first everytime?
just like u said, he can keep quiet for a long time, and every time i HAVE TO be the one to talk to him first. does it mean that i care about us more than he does?
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