Physical maturity
Research has shown that a child cannot voluntarily use the muscles that control his bladder and rectum until he/she is at least 18 months old. There is a gap of roughly 2 years between the age when a child first starts to recognize that he’s wet, and the time when he/she can actually hold on and wait before he passes urine. Potty training will be faster if your child is at the last stage before you start; although with perseverance you can certainly achieve dryness earlier, it will be a longer, more drawn-out and, probably, messier process
Emotional maturity
A child who is physically ready may still not be prepared to let go of her nappies. Motivation is the key, and a toddler who is becoming more independent and keen to do things for herself will be more interested in going to the toilet like a grown-up than a child who is an earlier stage of her emotional development.
Many children will show strong signs that they are physically, mentally and emotionally ready for potty training before the age of 3. However, at least 15 percent of children are not potty trained by that age, and 4 percent still haven’t mastered it by 4 years.
It is important not to panic that your child is falling behind. One research study presented at a European conference for bladder and kidney specialists revealed that for healthy children, bladder capacity increases significantly between the ages of 2 and 3 years, so that by the time they are 3 most children are able to hold on and stay dry for longer periods of time. Your child will get there, in her own time.
Top 10 mistakes – and how to avoid them
No parent is perfect and I’ve certainly worked my way through a number (if not all) of these top ten mistakes in my time. But if you and your child are struggling with the whole potty-training process, this list can help to identify where you may be going wrong.
1 - Losing your cool.
Children are emotional sponges who will unerringly pick up on your verbal and non-verbal messages. So, if you seem angry or disgusted, they will too. Of course, no one can be a calm and reassuring parent all the time. Cleaning up poo or wee isn’t high an anyone’s list of favorite activities, and putting yet another load of soiled clothes in the washing machine can wear you down. But do try to make sure the message your’re giving is that toileting is a natural process, accidents aren’t the end of the world, and that the toilet and potty are there for when your child feels ready.
2 - Working to your own timetable.
He’s starting nursery, you’re about to have another baby, it’s summer and potty training will be easier. You can find so many reasons to potty train your child when it’s convenient for you. This can work will, if your child is also readly – but trying to rush him will only end in frustration and disappointment for both of you. Try to let your child se the agenda for learning to use the potty.
3 - Making him sit on the potty of hours.
It’s tempting to sit your toddler on the toilet and encourage him to stay there until he does something. The logic is that is he’s on the toilet for ages there’s mush less chance of an accident – but imagine the boredom and discomfort of sitting on a cold plastic potty or seat for long periods. This may encourage your child towards the infinitely preferable warm, damp nappy. Instead, let him sit on the potty for as long as he feels comfortable; you may encourage him to sit for a little longer if you read him a story or leave a picture book by the toilet.
4 - Nagging.
It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of repeating, “Do you want to go?” all the time. You want to be helpful and remind him to go to the toilet, but try not to overdo it. My husband was almost at breaking point when our elder daughter was learning to use the potty – I must have prompted her to go on it every five minutes. I was frustrated, he was irritated, and my poor little girl must have wanted to scream at me to shut up. The occasional gentle prompt is quite sufficient, although you can launch into action if your child appears to be about to go imminently.
5 - Being inconsistent.
At the risk of repeating myself, I’m going to bank the drum for consistency yet again. Your child needs to get the same message from you every time, and if he is sometimes allowed to do a wee in his nappy pants because you say it’s okay, it will be difficult for him to understand that it’s unacceptable on another occasion.
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