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102^#

發表於 09-11-29 22:15 |只看該作者

小詠,
yup... 希望改變温習方法同時間, 會對Tommy 仔有幫助喇

原帖由小詠於 09-11-27 11:44 PM 發表

nillie

星期日我都比佢玩架....我而家打算星期六日同佢溫多D書

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winnieyiu

子爵府

積分: 10672

103^#

發表於 09-12-2 06:21 |只看該作者

小詠，

呢個問題吾係淨係你先有，吾使覺得失敗自責。

我細妹都就黎痴嫁喇，佢係 facebook 嘅 status 係 : 跌呀跌，幾時先跌到谷底呀 ?

細問之下，我姨生女，今年9歲，佢細個好聰明，教佢串字，佢好快記得，成日問佢都識，電視主题曲呀，吾使 3 日就識唱，讀書成績都幾好，到左讀小學，一年級，佢都好，本來 B 班，成绩好，到左 2 年級升上 A 班，三年級就入埋精英班，但吾係好事，到學期尾，佢幾乎考第尾，我細妹開始谷佢，温習又補習，但係到4 年級，佢依然係退步，開始，科科低分，跟住1 科吾合格，慢慢幾科吾合格，激到佢 C，成日話再係咁就比人 kick 出精英班。

我覺得咁攪法，佢地2 個壓力都好大，我同我細妹講，香港地，個個家長都叫救命，其實與其係精英班戰底，成日有壓力，考第尾你 2 個都吾開心，不如讀普通班，佢可能仲發揮得好，壓力小 d，等佢做個快樂小孩好過啦。

到佢地再大 d，知道成绩緊要，佢地就會努力嫁喇，童年日子吾係好長，由得佢地開心多幾年啦。

原帖由 Nillie_Mami 於 09-11-29 22:15 發表
小詠,
yup... 希望改變温習方法同時間, 會對Tommy 仔有幫助喇

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小詠

珍珠宮

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104^#

發表於 09-12-3 13:45 |只看該作者

原帖由 winnieyiu 於 09-12-2 06:21 發表
小詠，

呢個問題吾係淨係你先有，吾使覺得失敗自責。

我細妹都就黎痴嫁喇，佢係 facebook 嘅 status 係 : 跌呀跌，幾時先跌到谷底呀 ?

細問之下，我姨生女，今年9歲，佢細個好聰明，教佢串字，佢好快記得，成日問佢都識，電視主题曲呀，吾 ...

TKS, WINNIE,

在外國就唔會有呢d問題.....
但是我在 HK 呢個怪地方呢

所有遇見，皆有因果
要是每個人都懂你，那你得有多平凡

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積分: 7794

105^#

發表於 09-12-7 21:52 |只看該作者

小詠,
I guess Winnie's niece is living in HK as well..

原帖由小詠於 09-12-3 12:45 AM 發表

TKS, WINNIE,

在外國就唔會有呢d問題.....
但是我在 HK 呢個怪地方呢

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106^#

發表於 09-12-9 07:58 |只看該作者

小詠,

唔係誇張,呢個問題,韓國比香港嚴重100陪呀!

其實重要係做父母既要識得放鬆,唔好成日用小朋友0黎做比較。

諗番我細個既時候,五年級之前,數學次次都係得三四十分,英文成績亦唔見好,不過之後忽然開竅,最後年年數學唔合格既我,竟然選讀理科,大學主修物理添。

有時d野迫唔0黎,反而會迫到有反效果添!
唔好俾太大壓力自己同小朋友,學習應該係一種樂趣

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107^#

發表於 09-12-10 22:24 |只看該作者

大食媽咪, 小詠, Winnie,
we may not see this problem here very badly, as governement divided the kids since they are 4 years old here.
before they attended into kindergarten at 5years old. They have the special test for their verbal and non-verbal IQ.. and that will not notice the parents. therefore, the result will be more acurrate.
(althought, for those have the 2nd child or even more children), parents learned to train their child.

Or they would force their child to take the exam at 5 years old, just to get into the gifted and talented class at 1 st grade.

Amanda is attending the gifted school (OLSAT 99%) in manhattan, at the same year, our friend's daughter attended the exam and failed (84%). So, he forced her daughter to do the pass exam paper everyday, and she got OLSAT 92%, which she is eligible to get into the local zone school gifted program. But, as they pushed her so hard, all of us (as friends) can see that .. this little girl is suffering from pressure--> school, classmates, teachers, parents, home work and piano class practise.
Amanda told us that piano teacher did yell at this girl as she was exhausted and can not focus..
Poor little girl.. after school, she has her homework plus all exercise training books. And her father keeps complaining that she did not catch up with the class.
Sure.. because she is just a normal kids, she is not a gifted.. she passed that gifted and talented exam because she did the past paper..
That is sad.. very sad.. all of us stand at a side, but we could not help..
That father takes her for piano, painting, swimming class on regular base, also skiing and ice skating at winter.. Is she happy with what she is doing ?? sure not.

I remember when her father dropped of her to us as he went out for happy hour with his friend.. she will eat a lot of food inside my house, all those juice boxes, chips, candies.. when we looked at her while she was eating all those stuffs.. I did not stop her, my eyes were red.. she is just a poor girl.. once she knows her father is coming over for pick up, she asked for a toothbrush, facal cloth, to clean herself. a 2 hours break, not just for her father to have a happy hour.. we believe that 2 hours break is for this little girl as well.

Somehow, it is not just because of the education system in that country.. it is the way as the parents and the culture around..

I know that I got no point to say anything.. as Amanda is good.. we got no problem. she will only create new problem.. for something she wants to learn..
For Gabriel.. we are at the black hole.. looking for help as he is a speech and brain delay with anatomy structure problem over his nose..
well.. I just wish that he could catch up as much as he could, and other could treat him as a normal child.

原帖由 大食媽咪 於 09-12-8 06:58 PM 發表
小詠,

唔係誇張,呢個問題,韓國比香港嚴重100陪呀!

其實重要係做父母既要識得放鬆,唔好成日用小朋友0黎做比較。

諗番我細個既時候,五年級之前,數學次次都係得三四十分,英文成績亦唔見好,不過之後忽然開竅,最後年 ...

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小詠

珍珠宮

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108^#

發表於 09-12-12 11:28 |只看該作者

原帖由 大食媽咪 於 09-12-9 07:58 發表
小詠,

唔係誇張,呢個問題,韓國比香港嚴重100陪呀!

其實重要係做父母既要識得放鬆,唔好成日用小朋友0黎做比較。

諗番我細個既時候,五年級之前,數學次次都係得三四十分,英文成績亦唔見好,不過之後忽然開竅,最後年 ...

大食媽

好耐唔見係上MSN, FACEBOOK 你ADD 我啦

如果係真我個仔將來會開竅當然好....但是香港既小學, 你成績唔好係唔會比機會, 只會要你去唔好既學校, 那將來出路就唔好架啦

最近我覺得自己好似好悽涼......教小朋友勞心勞力, 成果仲要係退步, 老公仲反而應為呢D是我的錯, 不停責備

父母又成日唔開心需要我不停開解, 日日煩惱日日新

我覺得好累

所有遇見，皆有因果
要是每個人都懂你，那你得有多平凡

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109^#

發表於 09-12-14 06:31 |只看該作者

Hi,

我真係好同意nillie既睇法。

nillie講0個個小女孩既case,其實係韓國普遍既教育現象。0係韓國,放0左學唔補習唔上興趣班既小朋友基本上會被視為"怪獸"。幼稚園開始要返補習班學英文數學國文,返興趣班學琴學台拳道;小學開始日日補習到無八九點都唔返得屋企;中學就補到零晨12點。補習學校會有專車送小朋友返到屋企樓下。要快人一步,要吹谷小朋友學高幾班既野,係韓國人既教育理念。雖然已經成為社會問題,不過因為家長們個個怕蝕低,驚自己既小朋友唔及人地既小朋友叻,於是,家長們仍然堅持吹谷自己既小朋友。

其實咁谷法,小朋友係咪真真正正學到野呢。好似nillie講0個個小朋友咁,係吹谷下,佢應付到考試,不過佢係咪真正明白自己做緊咩野呢。好可能考完晒試之後,佢已經唔記得晒佢做過既pass paper係咩野。
好似小詠既仔仔咁,就算係咁迫佢學習,佢又係咪catch up到呢....

其實,培養小朋友"學習興趣"先係最重要,如果小朋友覺得學習係苦差,係向父母交代既公事,小朋友一定唔會學得好。

我好明白亦好同情小詠,因為小詠既老公唔明,亦唔體諒。小朋友成績唔好就賴晒老婆。其實家長既態度對教育小朋友真係好重要,做爸爸又好,做媽媽又好,對小朋友既教育都有責任,唔可以賴晒一方。

小詠,放鬆d啦,老公唔體諒就唯有當佢發up風。你俾咁大壓力自己,你既壓力自自然然會pass 0左落小朋友身上。你有幾辛苦,其實小朋友亦同你一樣咁辛苦。可必呢...咁辛苦,亦唔代表小朋友成績會變得好。學習應該係樂趣,唔係苦差。

我好少好少用fb,不過如果你想,我都可以add你

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pyma

積分: 2803

110^#

發表於 09-12-15 15:56 |只看該作者

Hi,

我都好耐無上黎, 大家好嗎?

nillie,
我有野想請教你或者其他媽媽, 我想問有關分離症既資料, 不過我唔知個真正學名係咩。

事原亞囡其中一個興趣班既導師懷疑我囡係有分離症, 那位導師之前有提及過, 不過佢當時話唔肯定, 近一次上完課, 老師又同我講亞囡應該係有分離症, 但唔確定, 我上網但又找不到有關資料, 唔知你有無聽過呢

Many thanks

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111^#

發表於 09-12-16 03:32 |只看該作者

opps.. system deleted my message again!!!

pyma,
well, I don't bother to type in chinese.. I hope that you won't mind..
are you talking about "separation anxiety", and they call it as 分離焦慮. It begins at 9months old up to 6 years old.
Amanda gone thru it when she was 2 years old, it took her 4 months to settle down.
Gabriel (starts from Sept, 09) just has that and he is coping with it right now.
Some children won't have it at all or we would say, it is not a big deal for those kids, but some will be extremely mad and make every body exhausted since they are 9 months old.

let me know that it is not the medical problem you are looking for.. please have the counsellor to right down the medical term, i will help you out.
Please read the message below..

分離焦慮情緒後遺

要解釋幼童的分離焦慮情緒，當從出生開始理解。臨床及家庭心理治療師郭迪舜博士表示，分離焦慮（Separation Anxiety）是幼童的正常成長過程，第一次的分離焦慮，出在誕生那刻。「BB的整成孕階段，都處身在母體內的『安全』環境，體溫維持37度，只有輕微心跳或腸道蠕動聲響。但離開母體出生後，室溫一般只得20多度，人聲車聲電視聲都多，面對又冷嘈雜的環境初生兒大多不適應，會哭鬧不停，只有給大人抱著『增加安全感』，才可穩定焦慮不安的情緒。」

3歲後「焦慮」減少
他坦言，BB的分離焦慮情緒，多表現在對媽媽的關係上。「初生兒的分離焦慮情緒，透過多攬抱, 多給安全感，可在慢慢適應環境後緩和。而由於初生兒多由媽媽照顧換片餵奶，以至作為主要照顧者（primary care-taker）的媽媽若離開視線範圍，幼兒會害怕可以依賴的人不見了，最易激發分離焦慮的不安全感。」你可能會話，BB常扭計哭鬧，點知佢係咪分離焦慮喎？！其實很簡單，因為正常BB哭鬧是一個表達，原因不離：肚餓、想睡、又或尿布濕不舒服，解決這些不適狀態，基本己可疏導不安情緒。「但BB在成長階段，分離焦慮卻是隋時會發生，只要他覺得與主要照顧者的距離給拉遠了（如被陌生人抱著），都會衍生情緒，會喊會發脾氣。」這樣的「去厠所行開一步都黐身」的貼身膏藥情況，可能維持到3歲，原因是隨成長發展，幼兒從2歲起開始有自我觀念，到3歲開始建立群體生命，會注意到這世界除了媽媽（或爸爸）外，還有其他的人，當唯一的bonding（結成特別關係）的觀念逐漸改變分離焦慮亦會減少。

被「拒絕」的負面影響
「啊！3歲前咁細個，因分離焦慮喊過都唔記啦！」很多人都抱著此想法，但郭博士說臨床所見，不少孩子成長至4-5歲學齡階段，因增加了入學環境轉，最易出現性格孤癖、難相處、不合群、不信任人、愛猜疑挑剔、終日鬱結不歡、欠缺動力，又或對任何事情都顯不在乎的態度，追索原因，都是可能幼時未能建立與人交往的安全感所致。「BB扭計喊一定有，問題不在哭鬧不休，而在哭了都無人理。0-3歲是幼童學習建立關係和自我價值的階段，若不能得到足夠的關注和安全感，累積的分離焦慮情緒，不單只記得，還很可能造成深遠影響。有研究發現，當BB長期哭鬧又得不到攬抱補償安全感，他就不會再喊，因為他已不在乎身邊人的反應，已認定自己就算提出渴求（被抱）也會被拒絕，又或沒有人理會的心態，形成影響自我價值的嚴重心理創傷。」

急於「獨立」的反效果
而在輔導個案中，郭博士亦曾見過家長為怕孩子過份依賴「黐身」，刻意減少攬抱以訓練孩子「獨立」的例子。的確，父母愈多關顧，表面上看來B B會更「黐身」給再多的時間也看似不夠但他直言這是正常的的成長發展，幼童一定覺得有安全感，才可學習跟人建立信任的關係。「但當幼童想跟你親近，而你卻拒絕他，這反而會形成一個觀念：我是不能跟人建立關係的，我會被人拒絕。這些埋藏心底的負面情緒，要到再長大一點，孩子懂得思考了，問題亦會無限擴大，很自然會認定爸媽都不喜歡我，我是無人愛的。長遠而言，這正是造成孩子自我價值偏低：的影響因素之一。」那麼，當行為問題出現後，才給孩子補償關愛，還來得及嗎？他明確的答：「有性格學家指出，一個人的性格在6歲才定型，所以一般4-5歲發現行為問題者，仍有1- 2年時間去補救，只在家長是否意識到問題的嚴重性，及早給孩子折除這些在心底的情緒炸彈。」

唔乖唔要你？！

走在街上，不難聽到一句家長孝仔的常用語：「唔乖唔要你」，那管幼童是1歲還是3歲，「唔要你」一出，大多乖乖的聽話。只可惜，「唔要你」其實是一種遺棄和拒絕的表示，若常以此話來恐嚇孩子，只會增加孩子的分離焦慮情緒。郭迪舜博士解釋：「由於幼童不懂得照顧自己，很需要父母給安全感，但此恐嚇語句，反會造成他的不安，影響其價值觀，以為自己做得好才會有人要，做得不好就無人要。」當情緒問題延伸，幼童更可能出現兩極化的行為反射：一是放棄自己，認為點做都無人會滿意，無人會要自己，形成抑鬱情緒；一是極端的搏命做到最好，追求滿分，希望藉此贏取別人對佢的愛，形成壓力重重的「唔衰得」的性格。

「建立關係」的補償行為
對於在職父母而言，要孩子一哭鬧就抱給予安全感，幾是沒有可能的事情。但為免孩子成長分離焦慮情緒影響，新手父母宜學習建立親密關係的補償行為：
1) 出門離家前：先由其他人抱開或以玩具引開孩子的注意，待注意力分散後，才離開其視線範圍。
2)增加接觸時間：每日盡量補償（工作以外）時間跟孩子增加接觸，例如一起玩樂洗澡甚至進食，盡量多給予關顧注視，令幼童的安全感增加。
3)建立安全感距離：就算在家要忙別的事情，亦應先摸索幼童視範內能感到安全的「安全距離」，這樣在逐步擴展距離的同時，亦可有助穩定情緒，令親密感有增無減。

原帖由 pyma 於 09-12-15 02:56 AM 發表
Hi,

我都好耐無上黎, 大家好嗎?

nillie,
我有野想請教你或者其他媽媽, 我想問有關分離症既資料, 不過我唔知個真正學名係咩。

事原亞囡其中一個興趣班既導師懷疑我囡係有分離症, 那位導師之前有提及過, 不過佢當 ...

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112^#

發表於 09-12-16 03:43 |只看該作者

大食媽咪,
so, will your husband push your daughter as the same way??
poor kids in Korea, just like in Japan..

原帖由 大食媽咪 於 09-12-13 05:31 PM 發表
Hi,

我真係好同意nillie既睇法。

nillie講0個個小女孩既case,其實係韓國普遍既教育現象。0係韓國,放0左學唔補習唔上興趣班既小朋友基本上會被視為"怪獸"。幼稚園開始要返補習班學英文數學國文,返興趣班學琴學台拳 ...

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113^#

發表於 09-12-16 07:28 |只看該作者

nillie,

好彩我老公0係呢方便同我好夾,christy細細個時,我地已經講好0左,第時唔會要佢去補習,因為我地都唔認同呢種填鴨高壓教育方式,唔覺得補習補得多就等如成績會好;而興趣班,除非亞囡要求,如果唔係都唔會迫佢去學呢樣學0個樣。一於俾佢做隻開心"小怪獸"~ :mrgreen:

原帖由 Nillie_Mami 於 09-12-16 03:43 發表
大食媽咪,
so, will your husband push your daughter as the same way??
poor kids in Korea, just like in Japan..

[ 本帖最後由大食媽咪於 09-12-16 07:39 編輯 ]

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cmiss

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發表於 09-12-16 08:33 |只看該作者

hello~
我岩岩先加入babykingdom, 而家係紐約住~
nice to meet you!~

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pyma

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發表於 09-12-16 10:04 |只看該作者

[quote]原帖由 Nillie_Mami 於 09-12-16 03:32 發表

opps.. system deleted my message again!!!

pyma,
well, I don't bother to type in chinese.. I hope that you won't mind..
are you talking about "separation anxiety", and they call it as 分離焦慮. It beg ... [/quote

Nillie,

Thank you so much, yes, my kid is having such separation anxiety since June this year when she becomes age 4, this made us crazy. Luckily, one of the teacher found out that my kid having such problem, but there is nowhere I can find help at all in Hong Kong.

Well, anyway, I will try my best to comfort my kid and give her more 安全感

Many thanks again

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發表於 09-12-17 22:19 |只看該作者

大食媽咪,
That is lucky, and we are glad to hear that!!
Eric stopped forcing Amanda to go to those 補習 and Amanda keeps asking if she can go back to those 補習class..

wired girl.. well, it is not cheap at all, so I am not planning to do it in this moment. as She is the middle level kids at school.. not too good, not the worse one.. so I am happy about it. Her worst problem is the study habit at class.. well, I don't know what I should do..

She is little smart.. 6 years old can manage the division.. something like 13 /4, she can tell you 3 remains 1.. (she is not the only one.... whole class on the same level).. As long as she enjoy, and teacher can keep her on her seat at class.. I am happy.. because she gets bored very easy.

My children already being the little monstors, no matter at school or at home.. Well.. that is their childhood, which I missed, and never gone thru before. Let them enjoy it.

原帖由 大食媽咪 於 09-12-15 06:28 PM 發表
nillie,

好彩我老公0係呢方便同我好夾,christy細細個時,我地已經講好0左,第時唔會要佢去補習,因為我地都唔認同呢種填鴨高壓教育方式,唔覺得補習補得多就等如成績會好;而興趣班,除非亞囡要求,如果唔係都唔會迫佢去學 ...

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發表於 09-12-17 22:36 |只看該作者

pyma,
you are very welcome, see if you need any help, let us know..

原帖由 pyma 於 09-12-15 09:04 PM 發表
[quote]原帖由 Nillie_Mami 於 09-12-16 03:32 發表
opps.. system deleted my message again!!!

pyma,
well, I don't bother to type in chinese.. I hope ...

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pyma

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發表於 09-12-18 14:01 |只看該作者

原帖由 Nillie_Mami 於 09-12-17 22:36 發表
pyma,
you are very welcome, see if you need any help, let us know..

Nillie,

其實found out 呢個問題既唔係學校老師而係課外活動老師, 呢位老師之前有教開特殊學校, 所以佢比較清楚個問題嚴重性。

呢位老師亦正在幫我搵緊資料, 真係好多謝佢。

老師話叫我如果可以最好做評估，睇下個女仲有無其他問題，唉，不過要點先可以轉介，真係唔知，亞囡聽日會佢呢位老師度上堂，睇下佢搵到ｄ資料未，如果未，我可能會去問問個家庭醫生。

而家做父母真係好難

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發表於 09-12-20 09:17 |只看該作者

pymA,
母嬰健康院, 教育署, 衛生署同兒科醫生, 4 個directions are what you are going to ask for help.
As they will have all information about the evaluation.
First, go for peds, then, mother/baby health center, then, dept of health, finally, dept of edu.
Try it.

原帖由 pyma 於 09-12-18 01:01 AM 發表

Nillie,

其實found out 呢個問題既唔係學校老師而係課外活動老師, 呢位老師之前有教開特殊學校, 所以佢比較清楚個問題嚴重性。

呢位老師亦正在幫我搵緊資料, 真係好多謝佢。

老師話叫我如果可以最好做評估，睇下 ...

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