Thank you. I am happy too. Thank you for your kind words and support.
I didn't go to work today coz i really didn't feel well. But what I worried most is that I am not sure if I want to become better. The feeling is like I have fell down in a pit and as time goes by, I kind of get used to it and like it down there. I don't know........
And guess what, I feel so guilty about the feeling I have toward my baby girl who is due this June. I already have a son who is now 2 yrs old. And I want another boy. Now knowing that is a SHE, I am still disappointed. I fell bad that I am not as grateful for this wonderful blessing from GOD as I was when I was having my son. I know it is not right and it is not fair. I kept praying to God to forgive me and help me establish my bond with my girl. What do u think I should do?
To be very honest, I like two boys because I find it really cute to bring 2 boys out and my sons have each other as companion. It is so sweet to see two boys playing and loving each other, having similar habbits and playing similar games. And also, my father in law treats boy better than girl. He believes that boy carry the surname of the family and daughter once married is not part of the family (what a bullshit). I am so afraid my in laws will treat my daughter unfairly. I will be so upset and depressed if I see any unfair treatment from my inlaw toward her. I don;t want my daughter to be loved any less than any other grand children we have in the family. I know all it matters is that me and my husband love her dearly. But I JUST KNOW FOR SURE that any unfair events will be big trigger of my depression problem, especially if it happens consistently. I REALLY HOPE (LIKE MANY OF YOU AND MY FRIENDS TELL ME) THAT ONCE I SEE MY DAUGHTER IN FRONT OF ME, EVERYTHING WILL BE DIFFERENT, ESPECIALLY MY FEELINGS.
Oh this is your first pregnancy? Wow congratulations! So happy for you. You must be so excited by now. During my first pregnancy, everyday I felt like I won a jackpot (Mark 6). And I could not wait to meet my boy toward the end of the pregnancy. You must enjoy every bit of it.
Many people told me what you said. I know I am very lucky and blessed. But for some reason, I just don't buy it. May be I am too stubborn la......And also esp I know people in my husbnad's family prefer boys. (BTW, I live with my in laws and my husbnand's brother also lives next door....so u can imagine......). I only want 2 kids and I prefer 生埋 one side la.....(i wish I can type chinese like you do.....) May be now I will try to have a 3rd one, but at the same time afraid what if the baby is a girl again......Aiya, don't want to imagine la......)
Yes, I think you should have another one too. Then the older child gets to have a playmate ahma.......
I haven't bought any clothes for my baby yet. Will need to buy everything all over again coz i have no baby girl color things. A friend bought me a few baby girl clothes from Singapore, and when I saw them, my heart sink......it is like I got hit by reality. I hate myself so much for having these feelings. And now I acknowledge them in front of you guys, I hate myself even more........I guess I just have to deal with it.........
I wish you have a great delivery and if you have any questions on anything abt taking care of a new born, just ask me la.....I will be glad to help.......