少年成長 今日: 1 | 主題: 16053

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發表於 08-4-25 21:19 |只看該作者

原文章由 cocochiu 於 08-4-25 10:24 發表
Dear SandraLo,
he said " mum, i feel so full now" before he vomited the milk out. so i think he was feeling full at the moment. everyone may feel strange, but it's so common for me, sighs....

cocochiu :

I can't understand ! You didn't turn down anything but he still vomited ? Or he did eat too much ?

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cocochiu

大宅

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164^#

發表於 08-4-27 15:23 |只看該作者

Dear SandraLo,

yes, i think he's ate too much this time. but for most of the time, he vomits because he does't want to eat or he doesn't get what he wanted.

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-4-25 21:19 發表

cocochiu :

I can't understand ! You didn't turn down anything but he still vomited ? Or he did eat too much ?

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virginiali1226

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好媽媽勳章

165^#

發表於 08-5-2 09:37 |只看該作者

感激分享...

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166^#

發表於 08-5-21 13:32 |只看該作者

回覆 #1 SandraLo 的文章

Hi, Sandra,

I read some of your comments/recommendations on how to teach a kid. As the behaviour of my elder son turns really bad recently and I have tried many ways to deal with him but in no vain, I would like to see if you can share your experience with and give me some advice.

My elder son is 4.5 years. All along, he is very stubborn and doesn't like to express himself and tell us what he thinks, in particular when he feels sad or is scolded. I can accept that a kid will sometimes do naughty things. But the problem with my elder is he won't stop doing the naughty things even though he is asked to stop until you are really angry and even shout at him. What worries me most is that he will hit his grandparents, nanny and younger brother if he is not happy with them (you see, only them, not others). It seems to me that he is choosing people to release his emotion. When I am at home, he is quite OK, within control. But then, when I go to work, he always fails to listen, follow, etc. Every day, when I go back home, the elders and my maid will keep complaining against his naughtiness. At first, I will scold him for what he has done. Then, I am so tired and frustrated to deal with this son and I just leave him alone and don't talk with him. I know he is afraid and wants so much to talk with me. Every time, when I tell him what he has done wrongly, he shows his understanding. But when my back turns to him, he will do the naughty things again. Every day, the same repeats and repeats.

I know there must be something wrong with him. But I cannot find out what the problem is. And I am exhausted in handling him. I know he has a very strong character and may be scolding is not a good way to let me follow us. But it is really hard to always just explain to him. Much to tell you indeed and hard to tell you all those.

Really want to have your advice. Many Many thanks!!!

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167^#

發表於 08-5-21 21:58 |只看該作者

原文章由 Hellobaby1121 於 08-5-21 13:32 發表
Hi, Sandra,

I read some of your comments/recommendations on how to teach a kid. As the behaviour of my elder son turns really bad recently and I have tried many ways to deal with him but in no vain, ...

Hellobaby1121 :

Can you name some of the naughty things he did at home?
Did the teachers in school complain about him ?

You have to stop blaming, scolding, shouting and isolating him cause that would ruin your relationship with him.

Did you use any other methods (like punishment) to stop his naughty things ?
Did you try the praising method ?

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168^#

發表於 08-5-22 09:46 |只看該作者

Dear Sandra,

The thing worrying me most is that he will hit his nanny, grandparents and younger brother if he is not happy with them.
Example - His nanny asks him to take shower after going back home from school. He doesn't like and wants to something else first. His nanny will then compromise with him, say after watching TV, he has to take shower. But then, after that, he still refuses to take shower. So, his nanny forces him to do so but during the showering time, he will beating his nanny.

Other naughty things -
Draw on the floor, cupboard, table, homework, etc. Even though his nanny stops him, he will simply ignore her and even draws more hardly.
One time, after he came back from school, instead of taking off his shoes as usual, he suddenly poured his medicine on the table into the cup. He found it so funny and kept on laughing. Even though at night time, when I went back home from work and talked with him, he still smiled.
He will suddenly throw all his toys onto the floor.
When eating, he will put his legs on the table.
When his nanny/grandparents send him to the school, he will keep on running and shouting.
Even though he is coughing, he goes to other babies so close. But then, he has already been kept being reminded to get away from the baby. He won't listen.

He is OK when he is attending any kinds of classes, in the school, drawing class, in the schoolbus. He is also quite OK when I am at home. The most naughty time is during the day time when I and his daddy are working.

I have tried many ways to deal with this son. At first, we all try to bear him and explain to him. We also use the praising method. When he is good, we always praise him for what he has done. But then, he doesn't show any improvement. Instead, I observe that the situation even deteriorates. So, we start scolding him. Later on, we simply put him to stand in the corner. Now, I will choose to ignore him. I must admit that during the past few weeks, our relationship is a bit stressful. I seldom praise him. But instead, I always scold him, punish him and ignore him. The whole night is spent just like that. I just told my husband yesterday that I really don't know how to handle this son and I feel really so bad about it.

What else frustrated me is that it's hard to make him talk. I shall sometimes try to talk with him friendly with a view to knowing the reasons behind his acts. But he just zips his lips. Never talk, just looking at you, no reaction, no response. No matter how hard you try to ask him to tell you, he just simply shuts his mouth up. This happens in the school as well.

Sorry for writing so many. But you know the behaviour of my son, in particular in the past few weeks, really makes me so sad and puzzled. I really need some assistance and advice.

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發表於 08-5-22 22:56 |只看該作者

原文章由 Hellobaby1121 於 08-5-22 09:46 發表
Dear Sandra,

The thing worrying me most is that he will hit his nanny, grandparents and younger brother if he is not happy with them.
Example - His nanny asks him to take shower after going back home ...

Hellobaby1121 :

It looks like that he's kind of “attention seeking” – doing these naughty things in order to get others attention.
If these beating/hitting/shouting happened only when you are not home, you won't be able to“treat”them effectively even you learned the method.
You can only ignore his bad behaviour (like crying or shouting in order to get what he wants) but you cannot scare him by ignoring him cause communication is very important.
You said it's“hard to make him talk". Do you mean that he always refuse to talk/ communicate, or he refuses to talk only when you blame/scolded him ?
Do you have a story time (kind of bed-time story) with him ? Do you(or daddy) play with him for at least 30 min everyday ?

[ 本文章最後由 SandraLo 於 08-5-22 22:58 編輯 ]

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發表於 08-5-23 12:29 |只看該作者

Hi,

Yes. We (me, my husband and my maid) always discuss the problem with him and all agree that he should be kind of attention seeking. Honestly, we do spend time with him every day. My son loves reading. That's why we always read with him. Bed-time story will only be skipped if he is too tired/sick. We usually go back home from work before 8. I will first finish doing the homework with him. Then, we will let him play and we take our dinner. After that, it's time between us, though it's not too long because he usually goes to bed at 10.
My son won't answer you any questions if he is feeling unhappy. Not only because he is scolded. Just when he is feeling not happy, may be only because an auntie says "i won't give you a candy because you do not kiss me". Then, he will be quiet and won't talk and wont' respond. That's because he really wants that candy. But instead of kissing the auntie, he will refuse to get the candy but remain unhappy.
Yesterday, we tried a new method. We wrote down the good things that he did in the day. When I went back home, my maid would read to me how good he was. And, yesterday, he was very good. Hope it really works!

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發表於 08-5-23 22:53 |只看該作者

原文章由 Hellobaby1121 於 08-5-23 12:29 發表
Hi,
Yes. We (me, my husband and my maid) always discuss the problem with him and all agree that he should be kind of attention seeking. Honestly, we do spend time with him every day. My son loves ...

Hellobaby1121 :

Sorry some more questions :
“we will let him play and we take our dinner.” ~~ you won't play with him ?
“My son loves reading” ~~ Will u just read to him or will u discuss with him about the story after reading ?
"i won't give you a candy because you do not kiss me". Then, he will be quiet and won't talk and wont' respond. That's because he really wants that candy. But instead of kissing the auntie, he will refuse to get the candy but remain unhappy.” ~~ do you mean he didn't want to be forced to do something ? and he finally choose to give up the candy ?
The “new method” you tried is in fact similar to the “praise” and is more positive. You told him what he did good and thus he was reinforced to do those good things again. It's of course a lot better than scolding him on what he did wrong.

[ 本文章最後由 SandraLo 於 08-5-23 22:55 編輯 ]

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發表於 08-5-25 17:05 |只看該作者

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-5-23 22:53 發表
Hellobaby1121 :
Sorry some more questions :
“we will let him play and we take our dinner.” ~~ you won't play with him ?
“My son loves reading” ~~ Will u just read to him or will u discuss with ...

A timetable would certainly help your nanny and the grandparents to handle your son, see these posts first :

你可以睇番呢個topic: http://forum.baby-kingdom.com/viewthread.php?tid=840915&extra=page%3D3 (由舊開始)以下嘅post, 先暸解timetable同獎點用：
Jan 11, 2008 page 53 HIMMAMA3 問 post #1062
Jan 14, 2008 page 54 jpkp313問 post #1067 / #1070 / #1071
有唔明再上嚟！

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發表於 08-5-26 13:25 |只看該作者

原文章由 SandraLo 於 08-5-23 22:53 發表

Hellobaby1121 :

Sorry some more questions :
“we will let him play and we take our dinner.” ~~ you won't play with him ?
“My son loves reading” ~~ Will u just read to him or will u discuss with ...

Dear Sandra,

Q1: you won't play with him ?
A1: we play with him, but after our dinner

Q2: Will u just read to him or will u discuss with him about the story after reading ?
A2: during the reading, my son will always ask lots of questions. so we will discuss the book and talk.

Q3: do you mean he didn't want to be forced to do something ? and he finally choose to give up the candy ?
A3: That's because he didn't like the words "I won't give you"(唔岩聽). So, he will choose to give up the candy.

In the past few days, my son is back to normal, i.e. quite OK. Hope it would last long.

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發表於 08-5-27 23:06 |只看該作者

原文章由 Hellobaby1121 於 08-5-26 13:25 發表
Dear Sandra,
Q1: you won't play with him ?
A1: we play with him, but after our dinner

Q2: Will u just read to him or will u discuss with him about the story after reading ?
A2: during the reading ...

Hellobaby1121 :

Obviously everybody doesn"t like to be “forced” to do something and your son is just one of them.
Any kind of gift/prize/reinforcer (the candy) should be given when he did something good or he didn"t do any naughty things (especially when you praise him). You could not give them with a condition (例如同佢講：嗱, 你同我即刻冲涼我先會俾粒糖你！) Even though he does what you/the nanny wants because of the candy, sooner or later, he will learn this type of words from your nanny and say : 你唔俾糖我我就唔冲涼！
It"s good that the two of you have time to talk and discuss on the story he read. Why not extend this kind of conversation to those“naughty things”？ Of course it has to be some other people who did these naughty things and not him !

[ 本文章最後由 SandraLo 於 08-5-27 23:09 編輯 ]

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KarmanTang

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175^#

發表於 08-6-23 00:41 |只看該作者

Thanks a lot!

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jolan

男爵府

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176^#

發表於 08-7-3 15:25 |只看該作者

Hi SandraLo,
我個女現在1.5歲,但有時有d少脾氣.例如1:當她洗完白白OR poo poo 完要換片,她會拒絕著新片片,有時會在很不開心的情況下著到.例如2:當我和daddy想or鼓勵她去say thank you (只是動作),但她試過在playgroup時嬲,不肯做便走開(不去取老師的書仔).為甚麼?怎樣才可有好些的溝通?她現在仍(over 90%)在說"外星話".
thanks in advance.

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177^#

發表於 08-7-4 21:34 |只看該作者

原文章由 jolan 於 08-7-3 15:25 發表
Hi SandraLo,
我個女現在1.5歲,但有時有d少脾氣.例如1:當她洗完白白OR poo poo 完要換片,她會拒絕著新片片,有時會在很不開心的情況下著到.例如2:當我和daddy想or鼓勵她去say thank you (只是動作),但她試過在playgro ...

jolan :

歲半咋, 仍是bb一個, 不能expect太多......
如你把他當作bb看, 你說的這兩樣舉動又沒有什麼特別問題喎！

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EMILYYWN

子爵府

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178^#

發表於 08-7-4 23:52 |只看該作者

HELLO SANDRA:
我BB 15個月大,1歲時經常話'打打'AND唔鐘意時會郁手仔打人,返健康院問姑娘,佢哋話BB一係學大人,一係學電視,叫我哋留意

我便停止再講打打,果然能見到效果

,但現需與奶奶同住,這個月BB又開始打人,仲係唔鐘意就一巴巴打人,老人家就立刻鬧唔準,又同BB講打打,

有朋友建議,當再發生時,我可以抱起BB AND一路講'啊,BB唔鐘意,OK',用另一樣分開佢注意,但我嘗試了,不成功,

我真的好苦惱,唔想見到BB咁,

我明白BB唔識講嘢表達,但可唔可以教我應如何教導BB,THANKS

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