Since I have noticed that the main reason that my son hit the other child was because he expect response from his target (mostly the shy and quiet one and looks younger than him), everytime I will squat at the same level of my son, have one arm around him and tell him "you should say hi to another child by touching him gently; hold his little hand to touch the child's arm or shoulder. I will also explain to the child's parents and the scared child that "Gor Gor just simply wanted to say hi but didn't know how yet.
If the scared one was crying I said to him "it hearts, you see, say sorry to Mui Mui or Dai Dai.
It is necessary to us, as parents to say sorry to the scared child and his/her parents so that the innocent child wouldn't feel too negative about sharing and getting along with the other children also to ease the anger of the parents; possibly start sharing experience on child care!
You cannot expect he will change instantly after you have use this method...it takes time for a little one to fully understand the correct way to communicate with his companion and other children.
Trying keep him away from cartoon or children programmes that has hitting, kicking, yelling etc. Praise him right after he did the right thing such as "XXX (his name) is a very good boy that you did a right by touching mui mui's should to say hi.
My son loves Barney so much that whenever they sing "I love you" we will sing together hugging eachother so that he feel happy and comfortable about hugging, love etc.
I used to took him away from kids right after he hit someone but I don't feel this move could help to make him understand becuase for all of the time he will get mad (mainly because he can't do what he want), and we get mad too. The positive way is to face and tackle the problem rather than run away from it.
Invite other kids over to play with him also help because this is a really opportunity for kids to learn sharing and play with the other. There might be some hitting or fighting in the very beginning but is normal, the more chance you could give him to learn the skill, the sooner he will get it.
Remember you have to control your temper/mood before trying to control him and to give him enought demonstration, guidance, encouragement etc.
Hope this help.
I believe mamiya will have something good to share
I am sure you will be fine during that challenging and difficult time since you are already willing to face it positively.
My son used to drive me real mad before but then I was advised by one of my friend that "for most of the time we drive kids mad before they drive us mad" and we must stay clam before we try to clam them down and than I start reading books regarding making children happy etc. Time out could work if both of us started to lost control.
We can't expect to raise happy childen if we are not a happy one right.
I think very important is ourselves to keep calm, as Carchu said we cannot control things/kids if ourselves are being argry. Understand, supportive & explanation are more useful & powerful rather than u label them as a naughty kid (because there is no love & caring attached with this label).
Every time, let them know the result of their bad behaviour, tell them repeatly & seriously, don't give up if u use this method only once, be patient, kids will know your meaning if u insist.
I remember one more thing about saying sorry, my girl started to know the meaning of sorry and willing to say it because one day when I say sorry to her, and I keep doing so when I make her pain or cry, try
Starting from ourselves - u'll see the result.
Give them confidence and tell they're great & mommy believes they can do it well. U cannot imagine how the word "YOU ARE GREAT" works for the little one.
What should I say if she already hit someone/me or hold her hand up and about to hit someone/me??
Elly,
If already hit someone, I agree with Carchu said let him know he hurts someone, and have to showing his sorry, otherwise, I'll stop his activity to let him know clearly the result.
If "about to hit", catch his hand and tell him, "do u remember / mommy know that u're a nice and gentle boy that everyone likes to play with u, do u think so? Then, u must be friendly to everyone, right? (u can try different ways in the same meaning).
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