她說，我明白你的感受，但我更明白，物必自腐而後蟲生（原文為：a marriage can only break apart from the inside）。遠在我和Yale相遇之前，你們之間已經出了問題，不管有沒有我，這段婚姻的結果也一樣。讓我成為你們婚姻失敗的代罪羔羊，說我破壞了你們的家庭，太不成熟了。
一夫一妻制的婚姻在合法化（legitimize）和常態化（normalize）男女交媾的同時，也一併將嫉妒和佔有慾人類這兩大劣根性和惡癖，提升為一種值得表揚的善行和美德；並美其名地稱之為對伴侶的忠貞（fidelity）。西諺有云：「要維繫一段婚姻，關鍵在於不要做任何伴侶無法饒恕的事情」（Marriages depend on avoiding the unforgivable），這當然是指通姦了。誠然，一個丈夫不管怎樣克盡厥職，一旦被妻子發現「不忠」，他的優良「業績」馬上就會一筆勾銷，從此被定性為「衰男人」。至於一個紅杏出牆的女人，所承受的千夫所指和污名化（stigmatization），比起「行差踏錯」的男人更只有過之而無不及。
I don't agree with this, I don't see Lily has said anything that is 數落Diane. I still don't think Diane 的回信落落大方. Her words in her reply is full of judgement and blame on Lily for everything. Which Lily has never judge Diana in her letter. She just talk about how she felt and hurt.
May be when her words is translated to Chinese, people would not think the same about Diane's words as I do when I am reading her letter directly in English.
Finally, I got to read Lily's letter to Diane. (I actually read Diane's letter first, than Husband's letter, and Lily's letter last. )
She is good. She neither accuse Diane nor judge Diane at all in the public.
This is plainly communicating that she is hurt and her children are hurt.
However, in return, Diane's reply is very cruel. Full of false accusation to Lily with false statement (statement with half of the truth). Half of the truth statement is worse than all false statement because people would easily overlook and not realize what is wrong. In other words, Diana's reply is like saying that Lily is reaping what she sowed.
Lily's letter give me a totally different image of herself from the image of her from Diana's reply. In Diana's reply, Lily was a irresponsible mother and a vengeance woman. That tells me what a devil's words out of Diana's pen.
May God heal Lily's and her children's ruined heart.
These points only be general speeking, but should not address to a sensitive, ruined and being betrayed person like Lily, which has shown from Lily's letter.
1) a marriage can only break apart from the inside
I sort of agree, but I would not agree this is the ONLY element for all the cases.
The following points only could be used as a general speaking, but never should be address to a particular person.
As 小三 address to Lily and keep using "YOU", this is judgmental speaking. And really this could be false witness. 作了假見證。抹黑了Lily.
I don't see Lily 作了假見證 nor 抹黑了小三 from Lily's letter. She was just talking about how she felt, not how she felt about Diane. There is the difference between these 2.
As a reader, we need to keep in mind that do not believe in the judgement from 小三 (Diane) to Lily is true.
Lily might just educate her children that the right things to do with marriage problem is to work together to solve it instead of like their Dad, to avoid it and devoice. This action hurt people and is no good. Lily might just address to the result and action, but not to the person. So her children can make right decision when they grow up and learn from their Dad's mistake.
But it has been twisted the interpretation as shown in 小三's statement which has made Lily looks like a vengeance woman. These are not good statements at all. I mean, it needs more wrapping and better way to say it.
2) a mother's first and foremost priority is to protect her children from any emotional damage, rather than using them as bargaining chips with a spouse
This is an accusation to Lily without credential to judge. Only God knows if Lily used her children to bargain with her spouse or not. That 抹黑了Lily's image.
3) why did you spend so much time and energy trying to force someone who does not care about you to stay with you?
Again, this is accusation from Diane to Lily without qulification. Only God knows if Lily has spended so much time and energy trying to forcie someone or not.
4) you can lose a job, you can lose a spouse, but you should never lose yourself.
This is not ture: I do not see Lily lose herself at all. From Lily's letter, She is very logical, knowing that she have to move on.
5) do not vent your negative feelings on your children
That is not ture. I do not see Lily vent her negative feelings on her children from Lily's letter.
4. How could we know Lily did not 質問前夫? May be she did. Why we allow ourself assume something that could be happened either way and allow ourself anchor our thoughts that cause accusation to a person, Lily here.
5. "第三者有多罪大惡極嗎?" This is not Lily's word. And as a reader, I never think about 第三者, Diane here, is 罪大惡極. Why we should allow our mind to unfairly put negative description, or liable a person?
Diane is a very good writer. In order to make her evil event looks less harmful and more reasonable, she used her writing skills to redirect ppl's focus from her wicked act to accusing the wife for not moving on and stand in their way, also leverage the children's emotions to attack their TRUE LOVE. Well, the kids are 8 and 9, they already able to understand what is going on. So, how reasonable she is?
She kept saying how much the man doesn't love his wife and how much does he want to dump her.
In my opinion, she's not in the position to judge the relationship between the couple. This is not fair and stupid to do so. No matter a marriage is having problems or not, an affair is absolutely wrong and irresponsible. Even a 10 years old kid can easily make a judegment. If the man doesn't love his wife anymore (vice verse), just leave and then have a new relationship, no one will say anything about it. To have an affair outside his marriage (whether it's broken or not) is all about fulfilling his own selfishness and insecurity. He has to wait until his new relationship mature enough to leave his family, then what do you think he is? Coward!
This Diane is a wicked mean person without compassion, will do anything to get what she wants. She told the wife for not losing herself? She took her soul from her like a devil!
1. "對Lily來說，丈夫既然已不愛自己了，放手並非壞事。最差的情況是不情不願地接受一切，並以怨恨面對未來。"
From Lily's letter, I don't see any sign that Lily will 以怨恨面對未來. In fact, she wish Diane well. And she will move on before her husband and Diane to ask her move on in reply.
There is no winner or loser in this manner. I can see when Lily told Diane that she is the winner. Lily could mean winner her husband's heart over her.
Well, from Yale's letter, I do not see Yale has ever asked Lily's forgiveness, not even ask for forgiveness on not being able to sort out solution to their relationship problem and not able to keep his marriage promise regardless of Diane came to his life or not. If he did not ask for forgiveness, how Lily forgive him. Lily will need to forget him in order to forgive.
Again, we cannot speak for Yale because we are not in his shoes.
發表於 
返回列表
